Ze rainguh... eet falls evairy day...

Eet fallsah on ze just... eet falls... on ze unjust...

Eet falls ont ze vashed... making zem mehr vashed... unt... eet falls ont ze unvashed... making zem vashed...

Eet falls ont ze varneeshed... unt ze unvarneeshed...

Ont ze publeeshed.... unt ze unpubleeshed... en fact on ze zameah computair you know...

Eet falls... evairywaire... een evairy zircumstance... eeen evariy latitude...

Evairy longitude... awhn Titan, zee moon of Zaturn, eet ees of methane...

Fur ze Inueet eet ees frozen eentoo ze snow...

Eet falls on ze beeg feesh... ont ze leetle feesh... though neithaire feels eet....

Fur ze sheik eet eez evaporated eento eets dust parteeculate...

Eet eez zee peeseen of ze gods... unt zee noureeshment of ze land...

Eet eez ze tide... ze vairy ebb oont flow of ze Heesteery!

Oont fur me... zair eez no umbrella!


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* half opens one eye for a second *

* goes back to sleep again * Quote

He walked upon the path, not knowing where it would lead him, but kept moving on, holding on tightly to that last tinge of hope that somewhere, somehow, he would eventually found it...(to be continued) Quote

Lore of the Love Nazgul

1) The love Nazgul shrieks in anger and pain when some couple somewhere finds true love. It is not the only time he shrieks but you will know this particular shriek.

2) The love Nazgul loves to terrorize hobbit women. We don't know why this is. He is just a bad seed.

3) If you are a dark servent of the Nazgul, and want to make a statue of him to worship, be sure to work in dark marbles. Otherwise you risk giving him an oversharp beak and he hates that. You will know everything he hates once you serve him for about a week.

4) If you are being chased by the love Nazgul, perhaps because you are carrying some relic that will threaten his dark power, a good trick is to leave him lots of treats. If he overdoes it he won't be able to fly. He'll just kind of waddle around dizzily croaking. He'll eat anything sweet to keep it from serving as some sort of love offering.

5) The love Nazgul uses porn to get his way. If you were sold some porn by a dealer with a big nose that contained graphic scenes of a woman who looks like one of your coworkers, and this caused you to fuck her in the office, and to lose that job you were really depending upon... well, you fell for one of his classic manipulations. You can be sure that wasn't the only thing he was doing to ensure your fall. You'll piece it all together in the unemployment line.



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The love Nazgul rides through the air intercepting Cupid's arrows. Some he simply eats, keeping the amount of happy affairs low, some he misdirescts in the cruelest possible ways, and some he merely hastens to the original target - just to screw with us.

He takes advantage of our partial attractions... strong attractions to a particular feature of a person. He'll combine extreme likes with dislikes and add all the stress of Life to make his victim crumble into mental jelly.

He understands music deeply... so that he can select the greatest mismatch. Matching Mozart with Jake Boodle, the Yodeling Raquetball player. Matching the Beatles with Great Marches of the Byzantium Dynasties. He'll pair the violin with the mouth organ. The trombone with the trumpet. The wailing siren with the keening oboe.

Oh sometimes these plots backfire and his mongrel matches actually take fire and meld. But some say that is just part of his plan. To raise hope where there shouldn't be any. To torture legions of people with the breakup woes.

Gone are the days of extremely demonstrative lovers who would actually leap from buildings or in front of trains when he succeeded in his plots. Those days were days that he remembers so fondly. When his victims would faint with some fold of his plan pulled back. When sexual excesses coming to light were greeted with a shudder instead of a shoulder shrug. Yes, prudish society was his favorite society to work in.

The young, as in all preying, are especially vulnerable. It takes discipline to reason through why an attraction is unreasonable and therefore from the Nazgul's lair. It takes strength to resist misdirected kisses. It takes character to stand tall when the Nazgul shrieks overhead....



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The route seemed endless, its coarse cold surface didn't appear to bother him any longer; all he wished at that instant was simply to find it, no matter how difficult it seemed to be, how hard he had to strive, this something was his mere reason that sustained him to keep moving on even though the land and its surroundings displayed hostility towards him...(to be continued) Quote

* snores * Quote

And now another episode of.... Sauron's Nazguls... with Charlton Heston as Sauron

* dooo deee dooo do deee deee doooo deeee doooooo whackaaa whakaaa whackaaaah *

And Kailithe Bowgul as Nazgul leader... * whoooo wwwee dooooo bah beee bah baaaahhhhh *

And the Love Nazgul... as himself ha ha * chky chky chky bwoom bwoom *

Featuring Jaun Frederico De Guapo Guiyez as the Nazgul del Bolivia * hey hey hey *

And Jacqueline Bousquet as Paulette... their sidekick Femme del la Hobeet * wa wah wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaah wah waaaaaah wa waaaaaaaaaah wa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah*


------------ scene 1: Sauron's living room, the Nazguls gathered around a speaker phone

Sauron's voice over the link: Hello Nazguls. How are my special ones today?

Nazgul's together: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Voice: heh heh wonderful... wonderful! You know I have a little job for you today.

Love Nazgul: You want that I breakah de heart?

Nazgul d' Bolivia: You want that I should k1ll the Argentinian world cup team?

Nazgul Leader: Hush you knotheads and listen up!

Sauron: Thanks Nazgul 1. No I want you to...

* dooo dooo dwwweee deeee fwoooooo fwooooooooooooo *

Do you have problems with your cat? Does he have a poor sense of personal space? ...

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Skipper! ... Skipper!

SCRREEEEEEEEEEEEEE *flap flap flap * SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

* doo de dooo de deoooo de dooooooo *

Pam: Look at that skinny guy go! I think he'll be safe.

Farrah: Yeah and that will leave one less for us to waste right now.

Nazgul Leader: Regroup! To me!

Linda: Take that you ugly beast! Hiiiiiiyaaaaaah!!!! *chop thrash *

NDB: Eeez too much all at once. I sense a nice hot tub in Mordor with my name on it. You coming?

Nazgul Leader: Not without a fight!

NDB: Have it your way boss. See you.

Nazgul Leader: This won't be forgotten, you traitorous scum. Sauron will rend you to...

Angels: Heeeeeeyaaaaaah Aiiiiigh Hut Hut Hut.....

Nazgul Leader: oi..... *dies*

Ginger: oooooo one less man around here.

Linda: Yeah but chicks are cool too! ... Is the skipper taken?

....

Charlie: I don't know officer... Their plane went down somewhere over the Pacific... I told them it was a trap but you know our angels..



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