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Forums / Female Performer Chat

Jokes and Other Silliness
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Female Performer Chat: Jokes and Other Silliness
Created by: suggs

2/19/17 @ 12:16pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Left of centre
Posts: 6,768

Back and forth . . . . back and forth . . .
In and out . . . . in and out . . . .
A little to the right . . . . a little to the left . . . .
She could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . .
Between her breasts . . . . and, trickling down the small of her back . . . .
She was getting near to the end . . . . !!
He was in ecstasy . . . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved . . . . Forwards then backwards . . . .
Forward then backward . . . .
Again . . . . and, again . . . . !!
Her heart was pounding now . . . .
Her face was flushed . . . .
She moaned . . . . softly at first, then began to groan louder . . . .
Finally . . . . totally exhausted . . . . she let out a piercing scream and shouted . . . .
"OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can't parallel park . . . .
You do it . . . . !!"
Quote
Created by: suggs

7/14/17 @ 7:42am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Left of centre
Posts: 6,768

The Royal Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body... The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of His head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000...
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with £96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief Stoker who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my penis to my testicles.'
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two Officers had received. But old the Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measure was taken by a Medical Officer.
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to drop 'em,' which He did.
The Medical Officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's penis and began to work back. Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?'
The Old Chief calmly replied, ' The Falkland Islands'. :drinkup
Quote
dudley_do_ride
Created by: dudley_do_ride

10/19/19 @ 6:36am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266


Your family motto is something to be proud of...

On our coat of arms there is a white fish. And in Latin the motto.

It all goes back to our heroic dying ancestor who was part of the hunt for Moby Dick. Slain by the great white whale but not wanting to give him any satisfaction he used his last breath to utter:

"Don't cry for me argent tuna"
Quote
dudley_do_ride
Created by: dudley_do_ride

10/20/19 @ 11:56am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,266


Your family motto is something to be proud of...

On our coat of arms there is a white fish. And in Latin the motto.

It all goes back to our heroic dying ancestor who was part of the hunt for Moby Dick. Slain by the great white whale but not wanting to give him any satisfaction he used his last breath to utter:

"Don't cry for me argent tuna"



Yeah, you study History and you start to see patterns. My uncle was carried off and executed by Peron's goons when he was a'visiting down south.

Never quite understood why for the longest time...

Then I found an old newspaper clipping that had some quotes from an interview of him while on that fateful trip. He was asked what he thought about the dictators wife.

His answer: She don't hide that ardent tuna!

He was carried off in the middle of the night by a squad wearing the dreaded x'd out rubber chicken insignia!


Quote

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