Forum Topics
Female Performer Chat: Tribute to Ozzie : Sheep Deep or More than Mutton
Created by:
lickau
7/20/09 @ 7:12am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285
Mary Had A Lamb
Mary had a little lamb,
She tied him to the heater.
Every time he'd lift his leg,
He'd burn his little peter.
Mary had a little lamb,
Little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb,
So she is suing the test tube lab.
Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now Mary takes the lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread.
Mary had a little lamb,
She thought it was quite silly.
She threw it up into the air,
And caught it by its ...
Willy was a watch dog,
Lying on the grass.
Down came a bumble bee,
And bit him on the ...
Asssssk no questions,
Tell no lies,
I saw a policeman,
Doing up his ...
Flies are bad,
Mosquitos are worse,
And this is the end of my silly little verse.
Mary had a little lamb,
A pizza and some prunes,
A piece of pie, a glass of milk, and then some maccaroons.
It made the waiters happy to see her order so
And when they carried Mary out,
her face was white as snow!
Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow.
And every where that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go.
Now Mary found the price of meat too high,
Which really didn't please her.
Tonight she is having the leg of lamb,
The rest is in the freezer.
Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass
And turned its wool to nylon.
Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was black as charcoal
Every time it jumped the fence
You could see its little arsehole.
Mary had a little lamb,
The doctors were astounded.
Everywhere that Mary went,
Gynecologists surrounded.
Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was suprised.
When Old McDonald had a farm,
The poor guy nearly died.
Mary had a little lamb
A little roast, a little jam
An ice-cream soda topped with fizz
Boy, how sick our Mary is.
Mary had a li'l lamb
Its wool was soft and pink
A big bad wolf came by one day
Now Mary has a mink!
Mary had a little watch,
She swallowed it one day.
And so she took some caster oil
To pass the time away.
The oil didn't work.
The time just wouldn"t pass.
If you want to know what time it is,
Just look up Mary's ass!
We need 1 week more Sick Lamb/Sheep things to help Ozzie pass his week
Quote
Mary had a little lamb,
She tied him to the heater.
Every time he'd lift his leg,
He'd burn his little peter.
Mary had a little lamb,
Little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb,
So she is suing the test tube lab.
Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now Mary takes the lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread.
Mary had a little lamb,
She thought it was quite silly.
She threw it up into the air,
And caught it by its ...
Willy was a watch dog,
Lying on the grass.
Down came a bumble bee,
And bit him on the ...
Asssssk no questions,
Tell no lies,
I saw a policeman,
Doing up his ...
Flies are bad,
Mosquitos are worse,
And this is the end of my silly little verse.
Mary had a little lamb,
A pizza and some prunes,
A piece of pie, a glass of milk, and then some maccaroons.
It made the waiters happy to see her order so
And when they carried Mary out,
her face was white as snow!
Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow.
And every where that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go.
Now Mary found the price of meat too high,
Which really didn't please her.
Tonight she is having the leg of lamb,
The rest is in the freezer.
Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass
And turned its wool to nylon.
Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was black as charcoal
Every time it jumped the fence
You could see its little arsehole.
Mary had a little lamb,
The doctors were astounded.
Everywhere that Mary went,
Gynecologists surrounded.
Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was suprised.
When Old McDonald had a farm,
The poor guy nearly died.
Mary had a little lamb
A little roast, a little jam
An ice-cream soda topped with fizz
Boy, how sick our Mary is.
Mary had a li'l lamb
Its wool was soft and pink
A big bad wolf came by one day
Now Mary has a mink!
Mary had a little watch,
She swallowed it one day.
And so she took some caster oil
To pass the time away.
The oil didn't work.
The time just wouldn"t pass.
If you want to know what time it is,
Just look up Mary's ass!
We need 1 week more Sick Lamb/Sheep things to help Ozzie pass his week
Quote
Created by:
lickau
7/20/09 @ 7:15am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285
POTTER! I could hear a sudden scuttle of feet, and I knew that he was trying to make a quit get away.
Pfft, there is no escaping the Evans temper. However, I was impressed at how he had completely leapt over the couch, two tables, and knocked out another two first years trying to get to the boys staircase.
Impedimenta! I yelled quickly, whipping out my wand as I ran down the staircase.
His running became sluggishly slow and he didnt even make it past my favourite chair.
Oh now hes done it, I heard Remus say.
I got a firm grip on the front of his robes and pulled him down my eye level. Care to explain to me, I hissed, just why I had to shovel my way out of bed this morning?
The spell hadnt completely worn off of him yet; I could feel curious eyes looking at us.
Earlier this morning some one had charmed the windows openhow he managed it, I dont even want to knowand me and my dorm mates woke up to be over knee-deep in freshly fallen snow.
One poor girl, Alice, had rolled off her bed in shock and into the snow andoh dear, what happened to her? I dont think Ive seen her since
James face twitched; the spell was wearing off. Good.
Well? I said.
Iuhdidnt, um, do it?
Welluhthat sure, um, sounded like the, er, truth, I glared, still holding on to his robes.
Chill, Evans, he said, smiling, (At this point Sirius Black, Potters partner in crime, jumped up and yelled PUN!), gently pulling back his robes and drawing himself up to full height in all of his six-foot-tall glory.
Lucky bastard was a good five inches taller than me.
So my intimidation tactic was shot to hell.
Just use a couple of banishing charms and everything will be cleared up! he said.
Hmph! Tell that to my miffed pride.
I stormed off to do just as Potter suggested; not thatd Id ever tell him that I did, mind you. But I didnt even make it to the staircase when he came after me.
EvansLily, wait up a sec! He made a reach for my arm, but I smartly snatched it away. "Will you go out with--?"
Save yourself the shame, Prongs, Sirius called up to him, cutting my answer of "Hell no," off.
He hesitated at the step, not that he would be able to climb up unless he had an immediate gender change. Which is actually not all that improbable. I really dont know him that well andwell, anyway, I was about four stairs above him.
You look like a lost lamb the way you follow her, Sirius said and shook his head, Where is the pride that placed you in Gryffindor?
James swelled up like an angry toad that had been stepped on.
Not that I would actually know if that were true, but the implication still stands.
But he did go into his little huffy-puffy mode and sauntered off to the boys dorms.
Good riddance, I say. I turned to finish walking up when Sirius, the bastard, placed one foot on the stairs I was currently climbing. The stairs melted right beneath my feet and I slid down, most ungracefully, might I add, and landed back in the common room.
I bonked him over the head.
Jackass,
Ive missed you, too, dear, he grinned ignorantly, but rubbed his head.
Lets have a little chat, shall we, Lily-flower? he said, pulling me to my feet.
No,
Pleeeeeeease?
No,
I know you reeeeeeally want to,
No,
Its about Jaaaamsie,
I paused.
My downfall
No, I said as quickly as I could, but it was too latedamn it.
Sirius was already grinning ear from ear, that pompous little
Do you think you could, I dunno... said Remus beside him, fidgeting, give him a shot? He does genuinely seem to be rather keen on you,
I scoffed. And Remus was supposed to be the smart one of their little group. The others have obviously brainwashed him.
Such a shame, he was rather good-looking, too.
No, Brilliant range of vocabulary I've displayed, havent it? I honestly felt like I was four years old again. I wrenched my arm and walked back up the newly reformed stairs.
Suit yourself! Sirius called up to me.
I ignored him and proceeded to my room so I could A, find Alice (I was getting rather worried about her disappearance), and B, get dressed. Not saying I was running around nude, of course, but I was rather cold after Emma stuffed that snowball down my shirt.
After that, I walked down to the Great Hall just like the rest of the world. But of course, unlike the rest of the world, I received a howler.
My first howler.
Oh, the shame
They should honestly denounce my head girl position and brand me for life.
I piled my plate reasonably with bagels and cereal etc. etcAnd it wasnt until the owls came in for the morning mail that everything went out of control.
The envelope was dropped right into my oatmeal and slightly splattered my robes. Grimacing, I pulled it out and only then did I realize that it was bright red.
I nearly hypervenalated.
Im serious.
Me; a howler...I didn't think it was possible to use my name and that word in the same sentence, unless its "Lily's never had a howler in her life before today,"
It started smoking at the edges and Marla leaned over to have a look.
Who sent it to you? she asked confused.
I-I dont know, I answered unsurely.
Oh god, Oh god, Oh god, Oh god, Oh godwhy did everyone seem to go so quiet all of the sudden? Why is everybody staring at me? I didnt mean to do whatever I did or did not do! Stop staring!
Lily! Marla hissed, If you dont open it itll!
Too late.
It exploded.
In my face.
Which was now covered in ash.
Oh how appealing I must have looked.
And then, the worst most possible thing that couldve happened, happened. It began to sing.
Lily had a little lamb,
Little lamb,
Little lamb.
Lily had a little lamb,
Whose hair was black as coal!
I sat frozen in my place, completely mortified, as everyone turned to look at me. I recognized the voice immediatelySirius Black, who I would have never suspected of ever knowing such horrendous rhyme.
I had come from a muggle family, so I was quite well aware of the nursery rhyme. Most of the purebloods were looking clueless, however. The wretched envelope continued:
Everywhere that Lily went,
Lily went,
Lily went,
Everywhere that Lily went,
The lamb was sure to go!
It followed her to class one day,
Class one day,
Class one day.
It followed her to class one day,
Which was against the rules.
It made the Marauders laugh and play,
Laugh and play,
Laugh and play.
It made the Marauders laugh and play,
To see a lamb at school!"
It shriveled up into a small pile of burning embers and everybody laughed.
Quite a lot, might I add.
The laughter seemed to stretch on for ages and I hastily whipped the soot and ash off my face, trying to redeem myself. Marla and Emma looked pityingly at me, but I knew that they had been laughing as well. I grabbed bagel and decided that, right then, I didnt mind being twenty minutes early for Transfiguration.
I was halfway across the Great Hall when I heard some one call me.
A certain some one who I would have preferred to avoid.
Lily! Wait up!
I could hear Sirius laugh and went on for another round.
He followed her to class one day, class one day, class one day!
Lily, he had caught up with me. I blame my short legs. I-I swear I had nothing to do with that!
He sounded genuine.
Mustve been feverish.
Which was against the rules! Oh brilliant, others had joined in as well.
Right, I said sarcastically, And Im really Malfoys twin sister, separated at birth, I snapped.
Well then, he said with an easy-going smile, Nice to meet you Lily Malfoy, Im James, he held out his hand that I didnt take.
I grimaced. That sounded horrible. Lily Malfoy? Ugh, the way you said it made it sound as though we were married,
James tripped on something in the corridor that I apparently missed.
We reached Transfiguration and McGonagall was already there. Potter wouldnt try anything funny while she was around.
Would he?
Oh good lord, this is James Potter Im talking about here! Of course he would! I positioned myself on the most opposite side of the roomfarthest seat from James.
He shook his head and sat down in the other corner.
Just like that.
No comments.
No innuendos.
No flirting.
No pranks.
Good gravy, he must be feverish!
We didnt say anything until the bell rung and everyone filed in accordingly. Sirius, of course, was still singing that abject little ditty.
McGonagall settled everyone down.
With the holidays only three weeks away, everyone was excited and even more objective to orders. Or just plain ignored her.
Not that I would do either of those two.
Nope, not me; not Lily Evans for sure.
She droned on and ontransfigureblah blah blahspellblah blah blahwater to candleblah blah blahpartnersblah blah blah Evans youre with Potterblah blah
Wait.
WHAT?
Truly brilliant of me, really. I only drew about the entire classes attention to me.
And then I wondered if I had really gotten all of the ash off my face.
Wrong thought. Wrong time.
Is there a problem, Ms. Evans? McGonagall asked me. But I knew that she, quite frankly, didnt give a hoot if I had a problem with my partner.
Erm, cant I have Marla or Emma instead? I pleaded, trying to sound polite, not desperate.
Well, she said through pursed lips, I suppose that partnering some one with the seventh years most capable transfiguration student with one of the more abysmal ones in order to help improve said abysmal students transfiguration grade doesnt make sense, does it, Ms. Evans?
Well if she was going to be all snippy about it
But Marlas good at Transfiguration, too I protested weakly.
She gave me this reprimanding look before partnering off everyone else.
Everyone moved over to his or her partner, including me.
I all-but-too gently, (sarcasm, sarcasm) slammed my books next to JamesPotter, damn it, I meant Potter!
You go first, I hadnt been listening to what she said. I didnt even know the spell.
He didnt object and waved his wand and mumbled the spell. I hadnt heard it, but the coloured water swiftly turned into a lovely yellow candle with little wavy patterns on the top and bottom.
Show off.
He waited a second before transfiguring it back.
Your turn, he said.
Right, I held up my wand.
This wasnt going to work. I glanced at the board, hoping that McGonagall had written it down for us.
She didnt.
"Poo-head," said my inner five year old.
Eh, what was the spell again? Oh, look! There went my pride! Did you see it just walk out the classroom door? I sure as hell did
Increbresco, he told me without making anything of it.
I blinked.
He didnt even gloat.
I was seriously tempted to check his forehead for that fever.
But people would ask questions.
Questions that I did not feel like answering.
He looked at me weirdly.
Have your eyelids been glued back or something, Evans?
And any hope I had for him went out completely.
Nope, I said evenly, Youve just got some jam in your hair,
He began to run both hands through his hair frantically, trying to get rid of the jam that he just couldnt seem to find
It took me three tries, but I eventually turned the water into a candle.
Okay, maybe seven tries.
FINE! TWELVE TRIES! And even then, the candle had some strange gooey build to it
James, going into one of his bi-polar moods, laughed and poked fun at me and kept saying that I had to stop focusing so much, and to just relax and trust the magic to the work.
Buffoon.
I cant do magic if I dont focus on it.
"Hey, Evans?" he asked.
"Yeah?" I said, trying to not concentrate like he had suggested.
"Why won't you go out with me?"
That got my attention. The spell I had intended to be used on the water hit another girl's Transfiguration book. She gave me a sharp look when it exploded.
Drama queen...
"Because, Potter, " I sighed, trying to focus on aiming this time, "You don't like me, for one thing, you don't even use my first name for goodness sake. You, quite frankly, know nothing about me."
He opened his mouth to say something.
"And," I added quickly, "You have spent the better part of six years making my life hard as hell,"
James tried to say something in defense.
"And you have no appreciation for muggles or their traditions," I added, remembering the one time I had tried to explain a muggle Halloween.
He began to look annoyed when he opened his mouth the third time.
"And I find you're temper very annoying." I finished smugly.
"Well, even if I did change, it's not as though you would give me the time of day, now is it?" he snapped.
"You see?" I yelled suddenly, "There's you're temper! It's always flaring up when something doesn't go your way!"
"That's not true!" he yelled.
I stood up to match him and his voice, "YOU'RE PROVING MY POINT RIGHT NOW!"
Suddenly, a shy looking third year opened the door.
Um, she started and nervously walked up to McGonagall who, (besides ignoring our latest tiff), was criticizing Emmas purple supposed-to-be candle, but it looked more like a childs play-dough.
Ive got a message from Professor Flitwick about some exploding turnips, dung bombs, canaries, and an emergency?
McGonagall sighed.
What floor?
Fourth,
Ill be back before the period is over, she said to the class, keep practicing and dont do anything stupid while Im gone, She walked out the door with the student.
The woman has such faith in us.
But, however, she was right.
The moment the clicking of her shoes had faded down the corridor, Sirius, seated a row behind me and James, had started another rousing chorus of Lily Had a Little Lamb,
Lily had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. Lily had a little lamb, whose hair was black as coal!
I vaguely saw the side of Potters neck heat up like the Gryffindor fireplace.
Emma and Marla were looking torn between feeling sorry for me and joining right in with the rest of the class.
Bloody traitors...
James blatantly ignored what they said, but didnt show embarrassment.
But by the time they got barely to, It made the Marauders laugh and playI was just plain sick of them.
I hated being teased, even if they were being jokingly about it.
I had this sudden urge to prove myself. So I picked up my stupid wand, pointed it at my stupid cup full of the stupid water and yelled the stupid spell:
"INCREBRESCO!" and it turned into the best-damn looking candle I had ever seen, completely lit and all.
Take that, you pureblooded freaks.
Sirius was still laughing and sing that damn song. I picked up the candle, held it in my hand and used a charm that I had looked up in the library.
"Locappar douze!"
The candle disappeared from my hand and relocated itself right at Black's feet. He shot up like a bat out of hell, I was pleased to see. The Locappar charm relocated a certain object right where a certain person wishes to places his or her feet. The little Douze part at the end meant that it would duplicate itself every ten seconds. So what would be one, became two, after two, there were four, after four their were sixteen...and on it would go until I lifted it.
To make things more difficult, (for him, I mean), I sent the Tarantallegra charm at him and his legs began to sporadically go into this mad-Italian like dance
He had long since stopped singing and made an immediate reach for his wand.
But Emma, bless her, accio-ed it away from him.
He looked at me bewildered.
Perhaps he just thought I was going to slowly burn him to death
Not a bad idea, but a bit too messy.
Recognize this rhyme, Sirius? I asked him deviously and charmed the classes' quills to sing (in high, squeaky, hamster-like voices, might I add) as the stood up on the edge of each owner's desk:
Black, be nimble,
Black, be quick,
Black, jump over the candlestick!
Black jumped high,
And Black jumped low,
Black jumped over
and burned his toe!
Insert my evil maniacal laughter here. No wonder the Marauders pranked so much, I realized, it was fun. And the gloating...! Good lord it was heaven on earth!
You would think that with almost seven years of magical education behind me and the most ultimate power to prank people that I would have realized this
So with Sirius dancing up and over about forty some odd number of flames, Emma, Marla, and the other three Marauders laughing so hard that they were reduced to tears, several still singing Lily Had a Little Lamb, and me, in the centre of it all, laughing like a loon was just exactly how McGonagall found us all.
You! she pointed to me, furiously, My officeNOW!
Oh joys behold me
At least I had break after this. Personally, I would prefer break to be after my third period Potions lesson. I hardly need a break after just one class. Then again, it is Transfiguration, my worst subject, but I dont need a whole period to recuperate. But this wasn't exactly the time to debate such an irrelevant topic.
All in all, she lectured me for the rest of the period, only docked off fifteen points from Gryffindor and gave me one nights detention.
I wasnt all that surprised that I had gotten off as much.
She knew just as much as I did that Black deserved what he got.
McGonagall was still annoyed with me, even after I got up to leave. I hesitated before turning back to her.
Professor? I said.
What is it now, Ms. Evans? she asked exasperatedly.
You have a canary in your hair,
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I walked back to the common room for some R n R before Arithmancy.
Password, dear? the fat lady asked.
Blubberwits, I answered. I didnt even know if that was a real word, or if some one had accidentally sneezed when they had meant to say the real password.
As I crawled through, I could already hear the voices and I paused halfway through the limbo-area between the hallway and the common room.
"I'm telling you," I heard Emma say to some one, "She will kill you before you have the chance to hide,"
"And, before you ask, Sirius, no, you cannot and will not hide behind me this time," I heard Remus tell him sternly.
"Nonsense!" said a happy Sirius. "We won't have to go to such extremes once she realizes that she and James were made for each other!"
I narrowed my eyes.
"I can tell you right now that she's not going to take to it very well," Emma tried. "She will string you up by your entrails,"
Again, Sirius brushed her off, "Of course she won't. She'll be too busy snogging James!"
"Does James know about this?"
"Well, no..."
"Excuse me?" a small voice said behind me.
I jumped up and hit my head. Nearly had a heart attack, I did, and at the tender age of seventeen. I turned to look behind me only to see three younger students wanting to get to their dorms.
"Sorry," I mumbled and finished crawling through, walked by a scared looking group of first-years who were shuffling near the girls' staircase whispering amongst each other.
"Hey, Lily," said Emma, who was, surprisingly, sitting next to Sirius.
"'Lo," I answered.
"How did McGonagall take it?" Remus asked.
"Better than expected," I quickly filled them in on what happened.
"I must say that was very impressive work, Lily-dear," said Sirius, nodding approvingly and taking nothing personal, "Never knew our head girl had it in her,"
I scoffed.
"Please," I said haughtily and examined my nails, mocking arrogance, "that was second year work, at best,"
We laughed.
Me, Emma, and half of the Marauders...weird.
And then James joined us.
"What's the joke?" he asked immediately.
"You," I answered without hesitation. Point for me.
"I'm sure it wasn't as funny as the one I heard about you yesterday," he didn't even need to take half a breath to think of it. Point for him. Lucky bastard.
"I'm going to get some home work done," I announced as I got up, not wanting to be in his presence any longer. Emma tensed and I made a mental note to figure out why.
And I did.
The very bleeding moment I set foot on the staircase.
That's also when I figured out why the group of first-years had been acting so suspicious when I walked in...
As I made my why to go up to my room, no less than ten gallons of water came crashing down on me.
I stood there.
In shock.
And very, very wet.
The first-years started to sing, off tune, but in relative unison:
"The Eencey Weencey Lily
Climbed up the water spout;
Down came the rain
And washed poor Lily out,"
Sirius was in hysterics. The funny kind, I mean. As in "ha ha, you look soooo stupid dripping wet and being serenaded by a bunch of first-years ha ha," type of hysterics.
I knew he was up to something...that fact that I overheard him talking about itmeans nothing.
"Lily!" James shot up immediately and tried to come to my rescue.
Pfft, I am a perfectly strong and independent woman and am quite capable of a simple drying charm, thankyouverymuch. Or at least, that had been what I intended to say...but the moment that I got a good look at his hazel eyes, the drying charm was the farthest thing from my mind.
"Here," he said, pulling out his wand, "Let me help,"
Help? When was the last time James Potter actually willingly helped some one beside himself? What was with all of these bi-polar moods?
"Out came the sun
And dried up all the rain;
"Thanks," I said quickly, turning to back up the staircase again.
"Say, Lily?" he asked.
"What?" I turned around, peeved.
"I was just, um, I was thinking, I mean--"
"Potter," I said coldly, "get to the point,"
"Would like to gotothekitchnswi'me?"
I turned around and bluntly said, "Huh?"
"I..." he started before he changed his sentence as well as his composure, (everyone on the couch groaned when they realized what was happening),"I was just saying that you desperately need to work on your transfiguration form. And, as it so conveniently is, I happen to be free tomorrow after lunch and we could--"
"No,"
And that was that. Point for me! Whoop!
And the Eencey Weencey Lily
Climbed up the spout
"Would you lot please just shut up?" I snapped at them. Not the nicest thing to say to a bunch of eleven year olds, but hey, you don't annoy red heads. You just don't.
Duh.
I finished my way up to the dorms, and got to work...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next morning, I had to nearly drag Emma and Marla out of bed.
I was excited.
Very excited.
Very, very excited.
I was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement.
I hurriedly pulled them down the corridors in their rumpled uniforms to make sure that we got their ten minutes before post. I grabbed three seats just a short while down from the Marauders who were obliviously eating their breakfast.
They'll never know what hit them.
Well, actually they will, because as it is, the group of us seem to be in this "Nursery Rhyme" sort of war.
Finally, the owls came in; I nearly choked on my muffin I was so excited.
Four owls immediately flew towards James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter at the end of the table, and each owl dropped a howler in their plates.
Everyone began to grow silent at their end of the Gryffindor table.
"You open it first!" said Sirius to Remus.
"Are you mad?"
"There is no way"
"Does it say who its fr?"
But I had charmed them to go off before they had the chance to open them. Even I have to marvel at my smart-yness, sometimes. I was already grinning like a maniac, completely giving me away if my voice in the howler didn't:
"Fee! Fie! Foe! Fum!
I smell the blood of some Englishmen.
Be 'em 'live, or be 'em dead,
I'll grind their bones to make my bread."
The Marauders looked positively scandalized. Particularly Sirius and James.
I happily bit into my butter roll and began to converse with a shocked Emma and an equally shocked Marla.
"Lily?" Marla asked, "Was that...Was that you?"
"Yup!" I supplied happily, grinning like an idiot again.
They both gaped openly at me.
I could already tell, that today was going to be a good day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And it was.
It just got incredibly strange during lunch break in the Great Hall.
"Lily!" some one called out.
"Whu'?" my mouth was full. I turned to see who it was, and was surprised to see James, with a look of determination on his face.
I swallowed my peanut butter, pineapple, and pepperoni sandwich.
"Happy Thanksgiving," he held out a rather large basket to me.
The funny thing about the situation was A, Thanksgiving was weeks ago, and B, the basket...well, it was squirming.
"Potter," I looked at it, trying to hold in my disdained look, "Do you even know what Thanksgiving is?" I asked.
His face fell slightly, but he cleared his throat, "It is a muggle holiday held on the twenty-fourth of November to celebrate the Pilgrims and Indians getting along and making peace and sharing turkey," I think he had it memorized... "I apologize for it being late," He again prompted me with the basket.
"James," I said more reasonably, trying not to laugh, "Thanksgiving isn't just a muggle tradition. Magical people celebrate it every year as well."
James faltered.
I was in a full-blown grin as I went on. "In North America," I laughed. "There were no Native Americans in Britain, henceforth why we do not celebrate Thanksgiving. And pilgrims were originally from here, yes, but they immigrated to the early United States." Poor James, "But what on earth do you have in the basket?"
He looked down at his hands and simply said:
"The turkey,"
I looked at him, confused, and lifted the lid open.
I wish I hadn't.
I really wish I hadn't.
Apparently James didn't get the memo that the Native Americans and the Pilgrims had cooked the infamous turkey.
I found out first-hand just how humorous it is to watch some of Britain's top school teachers run around trying to catch a wild bird not even native to the continent.
I found it so funny that I just had to give James a hug as I nearly lost my lung laughing so hard. Potter looked like a lost lamb, which I found oddly endearing coming from him.
As I was laughing, I realized just how seriously James had taken my declaration about him not caring about muggle traditions to heart.
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The next day was Friday, thank heavens. It had been a long week.
I was merrily making my way down to breakfast when the usual "my house is better than your house" (translation: Gryffindor/Slytherin related) brawl broke out in one of the corridors.
Me, being the wonderful saving grace of Head Girl that I am, went over to break it up and dock off the usual ten points per-person.
Unfortunately, I didn't count on being hit by a Bat-Bogey hex. Then again, most people in life don't, unless some one is personally out to get them. And I don't think I fall into that category, but quite frankly I do not enjoy my over-grown boogers attacking me in the middle of the hall.
Again, most people don't like that as well.
A nice Ravenclaw seventh year named Carl Davis helped me beat them off and was even nice enough to escort me to the Infirmary wing. Unfortunately, Madam Pompfrey was too busy fussing over some one more important than my Bat-Bogey hex, so I was forced to battle my bogies on my own.
The fact that I was missing Transfiguration didn't bother me the slightest.
By the time Madam Pompfrey got to me, I had just less than twenty minutes left in the lesson that I would not be attending. I was not about to sit there next to James Potter if I could avoid it.
But then I was forced to reevaluate my opinion on him.
I decided that I would spend my free period time out by the lake and enjoy the snow before the spring came. Granted, that wouldn't be for another three and a half months, but why not stop and smell the roses?
I walked through the empty corridors and deftly listened to the professor's lectures. I stifled a yawn. Skipping class was no fun if you didn't have anyone to skip with.
However, I came upon something most inquiring as I passed the Transfiguration wing.
A sheep.
I don't think I've seen a funnier sight. Well, actually, I just remembered The Turkey incident yesterday. So neveeer mind.
It must've heard me snort in laughter because it looked away from the door it had been previously staring at and clumsily whirled around to look at me.
I was in the Transfiguration wing, so there was no telling what it had once been. A chair, a desk, maybe if the student was super-advanced, a quill. Or it could've gotten loose at Hagrids. He's been known to have some strange creatures float around his area. But sheep? For Hagrid, that just seemed, well, too normal.
It slowly walked up to me and stared at me expectantly. It had abnormally black fur from head to hoof and it could have easily blended right into the shadows if it wasn't hanging around in the sun.
Maybe Hagrid was training magic-sheep...?
I rolled my eyes at it.
"C'mon," I sighed as I began to walk towards the Entrance Hall, "We'll get you back where you belong,"
It followed me, oddly enough. It was even comfortable walking right besides me.
When I said that skipping class would be more fun with some one else, I, uhm, had meant some one human. Who could talk back to me so there would be no one-sided conversation.
"At least I have a legit reason for getting out of class," I mumbled, "'Sorry, Professor, but there really was a sheep in the castle that was lost and it needed my help! Honest!'" I snorted, "That'd rub off reeeally well,"
The said sheep looked at me.
I rolled my eyes at it.
"I'm not good at Transfiguration, okay?" I snapped. It looked down at the snow as we walked. A lot of it had already melted since yesterday, I noticed. I sighed, "Sorry," I told the sheep, "It's just that it's the one class that I can never seem to get a break in." We passed the greenhouse where Professor Sprout was teaching her fifth years.
"And that James Potter is just so infuriating!" I threw my arms up wildly, just like the mad-woman I truly am.
The sheep looked up at me sadly.
"Well, what's it to you?" I snapped at it. "You're just a sheep. I highly doubt that you've ever had to deal with some one asking you out ever since you were fourteen. And everyone is always telling me how 'he's not all that bad' and rubbish. Not that bad? Not that bad? He's take pleasure in torturing all of the poor innocent Slytherins who have already been told to hate the Gryffindors and just hate them even more because people like James Potter are around, confirming that they were right in the first place."
"Lily Evans?" Hagrid asked, confused.
I looked around. I hadn't realized that we had already walked to his hut. Oops.
"Hey, Hagrid," I said conversationally. "I've got a question for you," I moved out of the way to show him the sheep that had followed me. "Do you have a herd of sheep or something? Because I think this one"
"What one?" he asked.
"The one thatoh..." I looked around wildly. It had disappeared. "B-but...it was just here! I swear!"
Hagrid laughed.
"NEWT's already getting to ya, eh, Lily?"
I was confused. I knew that there had been a sheep...
"I guess so..." I answered slowly.
"Either way," he went on, "Hogwarts doesn't have a herd of sheep, and I doubt that there are any in the forest,"
"Oh, okay, thanks then," I said and walked away, slightly confounded.
I made it only about forty feet away from the hut before a familiar little coal-coloured head stuck itself right under my hand.
I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"So now you want to hang out?" I glared at the offending sheep. I just had to rethink that sentence..."offending sheep", indeed. "You think that you can just ditch me and come back and then we'll be best friend again, don't you?"
It looked at me pitifully.
"Oh all right," I sighed dramatically. We walked over to the tree by the lake. I waved my wand and suddenly there was a nice snow free spot under one of the larger branches. I leaned up against the trunk and the sheep audaciously laid down next to me and put its head in my lap.
"Presumptuous much?" I said.
Its response was only a snuggled into my stomach.
I began ranting again. "Do you know how me and Potter first met?" I asked it, not expecting an answer. "It was on the boat ride to Hogwarts, first year. He pushed me overboard. I was completely embarrassed, and teased about it until third year. And that was after I punched Malfoy in the jaw. But even the sorting hat was complaining saying that one girl was going to ruin his one thousand year old material and stitch work. I was so terrified that I thought they were going to kick me out,"
It locked eyes with me.
"Then again, he was only eleven." I agreed. "But his mentality has hardly evolved from since." I was lying. The sheep knew it too. It lifted its head up and stared at me. I sighed again reluctantly. "Alright, so he has matured a bit. But people just don't change like that over one summer! It takes years for something drastic like that to happen. Although that would explain his hot-to-cold personality right now," I hate it when I answer my own questions. It is very, very annoying.
"I do honestly appreciate it now that he's starting to understand that I will not date him just because he asked me. I s'pose that the whole turkey incident kind of proves that he's willingly trying to change though doesn't it? Ugh, look at me," I said as the sheep happily looked at me, "I can't believe I'm raving about James Potter with a sheep. Good gravy, I'm losing my mind again.
The sheep began to stand up, as if it felt as though it were intruding on some one else's personal problems.
"Oooh no," I grabbed a tuff of fur and lightly yanked it back down next to me. "You are going to sit here as proof that I am not insane, be my pillow, and you are going to listen to my problems," I told the sheep firmly.
And it did just that, the dear thing did.
I laid comfortably on the grass with a sheep as my pillow under the old willow tree. That rhymed! Maybe I should become a poet! No, no, no...They make next to no money. How dull.
"As much as I hate to admit it," I confided, "I'm actually beginning to consider giving James a chance." Even through the layers of fluff, for some reason I could feel the sheep's pulse increase dramatically. Odd. "I s'pose that if he was persistent enough to keep asking me for almost four years now, I guess I do owe him a chance to prove himself. And if not, I can go back to hating him in peace."
I took in a deep breath.
"You know, for a sheep, you sure as heck don't smell like a barn or anything," I told it. I felt it tense up slightly. "You smell more like..." I took a nice big waft. "Cologne...?" I turned my head so I could look at it. "Hot date, tonight or something?"
It seemed to give me a look that said, "If only".
I tutted mockingly. "What would the Mrs. Sheep say?" I laughed at the curious expression it made. "Y'know," I said to it, "You're not half bad. And I don't think there are any rules against having pet sheep at Hogwarts. Maybe I can keep you," I smiled at it, but it looked slightly alarmed, as if only just remembering something.
"Yeesh, sorry," I said, "No need to get so insulted."
It responded by endearingly rubbing my cheek with its cold nose. Actually...if it were human, it would've been kissing me on the cheek. Does that count as snogging? Am I a sheep snogger? Oh now I feel terrible for leading it on like this! I was all but throwing myself at it! Aaaaargh...I'm such a horrible person!
"Listen here, you," I said not as nicely as I intended, sitting up, "I am a human," and pointed to myself, "and you are a sheep," I pointed to said sheep. "It would never work out. I'm sorry, but that is the way the cookie crumbles, and that is how Mother Nature intended for it to be. She doesn't want some human-slash-sheep hybrids wandering around the earth, no-sirree."
It was then I realized, by the look of shock on the sheep's face, just how ridiculous I sounded.
"C'mon," I said, standing up, "I'll take you to the dorm so you don't freeze to death." Even though that was highly unlikely with all of the fur it had that seemed to be sticking up in all odd directions.
My free period was over halfway up, and people were wandering the corridors going to and from places such as the library.
If by chance you saw a girl with bright red hair being tailed by a jet black sheep in your school, what would you do? Why, stare of course! The hallways parted for me easily like Moses and the sea, whispering like I couldn't hear them.
Yeah, sure, some idiot would make a jive at me, but the sheep didn't take to well to that. It rammed one of Lucius Malfoy's cronies straight into a suit of armor and down the stairwell.
But most took the sheep and me good-humouredly, such as most of the Gryffindors. Some even broke out into Sirius' favourite song:
Lily had a little lamb,
Little lamb,
Little lamb.
Lily had a little lamb,
Whose hair was black as coal!
You know... I couldve sworn that the last line went "Whose fleece was white as snow" or something like that...But it has been a while, so I'm not one to talk.
It was strange, though, that the sheep following me around had fur black as coal. Now that I mention it, I could name some one else who had hair as dark as coal, just like in the song.
"It followed her to class one day,
Class one day,
Class one day.
It followed her to class one day,
Which was against the rules!"
Didn't the lamb follow her to school one day? Not just class?
I can remember when some one with hair as dark as coal followed me to my Transfiguration class the other day...And he was notoriously known for completely disregarding the rules.
"It made the Marauders laugh and play,
Laugh and play,
Laugh and play.
It made the Marauders laugh and play,
To see a lamb at school!"
I hadn't realized that the Marauders threw in their name like that. Probably just for publicity amongst the girls. They always seemed to be having such a good time as well as getting top marks in their classes. I recall when I had taken a leaf out of their book and made Sirius jerkily jump over a candlestick to a nursery rhyme being sung by a bunch of quills.
We made it to the Gryffindor Tower.
"Blubberwits,"
"Sure thing, dear," the portrait slid open to reveal the passage. I had to give the sheep a boost. It almost hesitantly walked in front of me.
I gave it a push.
"They're my friends, sheep, they're not going to eat...well, Marla is Scottish and she was telling me about this time when she was at a reunion and ate sheep intestines, so just try to avoid her," I said, but it didn't seem encouraging to the sheep.
"Lily?" Emma said worriedly into the small tunnel, "Is that you?"
"Hey, Em," I said, "It's me,"
"We were so worried about you!" she gushed. The stupid sheep refused to movie so I crawled around it.
"You and James were both missing a-and Marla had thought that you two were going to do something stupid, together or not, and we don't even know what happened James! Wait, where were you?"
"I was in the Infirmary," I told her, reaching back into the limbo-passage area that I had once used to spy on Emma and Sirius with. "'Got hit with the Bat Bogey hex and had to get cleaned up. But what's all this nonsense I hear about James?"
"Oh, jeez," she rubbed her forehead as I continued to sweep my hands through the passage area. "No one knows. One of the Hufflepuffs James was partnered with went a little crazy with his spell and there was this big explosion--McGonagall looked as though she would kill some one. It had apparently somehow mildly affected nearly everyone in the class, save for George, I think his name was, who was casting the spell in he first place." She sighed worriedly. "But as for James...all we could find were his robes and his wand. Nothing else. The poor Hufflepuffs is positively grief-stricken about it, too, he's too upset to even join the search party..."
Aha! True, I was only half-listening, but was rather intent on finding my sheep to show off to Emma. But I gave a small tug and it came out and into the common room.
"Isn't it cute?" I said, huggling it and enjoying the soft fur against my cheek.
The worry of her fellow Gryffindor went away completely as she knelt down next to me.
"Omigod he's adorable!"
The sheep seemed to face-fault.
"He?" I repeated.
"Well," she blushed, "if you'd just look under--"
But she never did tell me just what I had to "look under" because Sirius and Remus came barreling through the portrait.
"If they can't find him by morning, they're going to have to call his parents!" Sirius shouted the moment they were through.
"This is getting serious," I said to Emma, "Shouldn't they just fire call his parents now?"
"They don't want to raise a panic too soon," Remus said tous and then he took a double take at me, with an odd expression on his face. "Erm, Lily? Where did you get that sheep?"
"SHEEP?" Sirius yelled furiously, "YOU LOT ARE WORRYING ABOUT A SHEEP WHEN HERE MY BEST FRIEND IS MISSING?" He turned to yell at the three of them and had to take not one, but two double takes at them.
He froze, just as the sheep did.
"James?" said Sirius, bewildered.
"No," I automatically corrected, suddenly feeling protective, "Sheep," I said.
He practically threw himself in front of me and the sheep, clasped two hands around either side of the sheeps face and pulled it up to his nose for a close look.
"Prongs?" He said worriedly.
The traitor of a sheep scrambled out of my arms and began to attempt a victory dance.
A victory dance. A patented victory dance that I often saw after the Gryffindor Quidditch matches.
I had found the sheep outside of the Transfiguration corridor, looking at a door that perhaps it had just come out of. And to think that just the other day we were practicing turning water into candles...so how does some one turn into a sheep during that short period of time? It had no problem whatsoever as to listening to whatever I said and
Oh God. What I had said.
This was so not cool.
I sat there shell-shocked as Remus, Sirius, and Sheep/James jumped around joyfully, happy to know that their friend was safe.
I suddenly felt alone.
And very scared now that James knew almost everything I thought about him.
Emma jumped up in sudden realization; "We have to go see Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore immediately!"
Sirius was in the lead, followed by sheep/James, Remus, Emma, and reluctantly me. Personally, I didnt want to be there if the sheep really was James.
I dont think I could possible be his fellow Head Student if it was.
We had to run all the way down to the second floor to find Professor McGonagall.
Weve found James! Sirius some how hoisted him in front of McGonagalls face who paled. Cant you fix him! He yelled after a moments silence.
Of course I can, she snapped back. Place him on the ground, she ordered and pulled out her wand and paused to concentrate for a moment. REVERTUS MORTUS MAXIMUS!
And suddenly, where a very black little sheep once was, stood a very tall and slightly disgruntled looking James Potter.
A very disgruntled looking and naked James Potter.
He didnt seem to realize this, even after McGonagall quickly shut her eyes and went down the corridor as swiftly as she could.
Emma had to, literally, use force to turn me around.
Between Sirius and Remus, they barely had enough spare robe one their person to get James decent enough to walk back up to the Gryffindor common room.
I felt awkward as I tagged behind everyone else.
Lily? James turned around to face her. Are you, um, are you okay?
Just fine, I said bitterly. I attempted to walk passed the others.
Lily, wait upcan you just look at me?
No! I yelled, I cant! And I really couldntfor goodness sake; I had practically poured my heart out to him thinking that he was an innocent sheep. I was running now.
Im sorry, Lily! I didnt mean for you to tell me things that I wasnt meant to hear! he was running, too.
Then you should have just left! I turned on him.
I tried! he defended himself legitimately, But you pulled me back down and told me to be a pillow and to listen to your problems! I hated how he was so much taller than me.
Something inside me broke free, and I dont think it was a good something BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOOD GOR NOTHING SHEEP! BUT I WAS WRONG! NOW I KNOW THAT YOU WERE JUST A GOOD FOR NOTHING POTTER! I spat out the words faster than I could comprehend them.
YOU WONT EVEN LOOK AT ME IN CLASS WITHOUT MALICE! He was really angry now, I noted. We really need to work on our anger problems.I HAD TO BE REDUCED TO A BLOODY SHEEP BEFORE I COULD ACTUALLY HEAR YOUR VOICE WITH OUT SARCASM!
Quite frankly, I really did not want to be having this conversation in front of the Marauders, Emma, Marlawho had just gotten word of James return, as did half of the school watching.
SARCASM? I repeated, outraged, I ASSURE YOU, POTTER, THAT I AM ONLY EVER SARCASTIC TO YOU, OUT OF EVERYONE IN THIS WHOLE SCHOOL! EVEN SNAPE! EVEN MALFOY!
SARCASM IS THE LOWEST FORM OF WIT, YOU KNOW! James yelled, he was getting desperate as well.
THAN YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND IT JUST FINE! I answered easily. My voice was going hoarse and I didnt understand why there was this prickly feeling behind my eyes.
YOU SAID THAT YOU WERE WILLING TO GIVE ME A CHANCE!
BEFORE I FOUND OUT YOU WERE LYING TO ME!
I COULDNT SAY ANYTHING! I WAS A BLOODY SHEEP!
YOU STILL LIED TO ME!
YOU DIDNT GIVE ME THE CHOICE!
I think poor Marla, confused asever,was border-line heart attack, Emma was practically brimming with tears,and both Sirius and Remus didnt want to be anywhere near the battlefield.
YOU NEVER HAD TO FOLLOW ME OUTSIDE TO HAGRIDS! I yelled, YOU COULD HAVE JUST WAITED AN EXTRA TWO MINUTES FOR MCGONAGALL TO GET THE CLASS UNDER CONTROL! Why did my cheeks suddenly feel so wet? Surely they werent? I wasnt? Was I?
When did the other teachers get here? When did Dumbledore get here? Why isnt he stopping us from fighting? Weve never gotten this far before. Why didnt his eyes have the old twinkle in them?
MAYBE BECAUSE I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU FOR ONCE! He hollered, he had to clear his throat; he was going hoarse as well. Ive known you for almost seven years now, he said more quietly. And its taken me more than just one summer to try to change my attitude to accommodate to your liking. But nothing will ever be good enough for you, Evans, he sneered. He had long lost his appeal when the light in his eyes went out.
THEN WHY? I screeched. Maybe my voice wasnt as forgone as I had thought WHY DID YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE FOR SOME ONE YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD NEVER PLEASE?
He raised his voice again. BECAUSE I WANTED TO TRY! I THOUGHT MAYBE IF I CHANGED JUST A LITTLE BIT THEN YOU WOULD NOTICE AND WE COULD BUILD OFF THAT!
THERE HAS NEVER BEEN ANYTHING TO BUILD OFF OF! I felt myself fighting the losing battle. AND THER NEVER WILL BE!
I ran.
So much for Gryffindor bravery, huh?
I didnt want to look at the ashamed faces of my professors who I would be facing next Monday morning in class. I couldnt bear to see James Potters grief-stricken face as I ran through a petrified Emma and Marla.
I was running through tapestries that I didnt know existed and down corridors that seemed long forgotten in my mind.
Eventually, I dont know how much later, I found my way to the Gryffindor common room. There couldnt have been more than ten people in the whole tower. Everyone else had to be undoubtedly downstairs where James and I threw our last tantrum.
Tomorrow morning I would hand in my badge, maybe give it to Alice; heaven knows shes always dreamed of it.
I sealed my four-poster bed with the most complex locking charm I knew and I flung myself into my pillow and cried.
It was only inevitable that I would fall in love with some one like James Potter.
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The next morning I awoke to voices.
Real voices, not the silly ones in your head that are always trying to distinguish right from wrong. I think mine are bi-polar or something. Last night, nothing seemed right and everything seemed so wrong but felt so good to have off of my chest but left me feeling horrible, wallowing in my own misery.
I didnt go to breakfast. Or any of my morning classes.
Emma and Marla told me that James was the same way once they had brought her back some toast
They said that they didnt see him at lunch, either, as they shared their sandwiches. They talked to Sirius and Remus, who were guys, and honestly had no idea how to comfort such an emotionally unstable person such as James.
The teachers pretended that nothing was wrong, didnt mention them, and didnt even say either of their names in the morning roll call.
Emma said that they were trying to give us guys as much privacy as possible.
I found it strange since they usually tried to keep business and personal rubbish in two separate cabinets.
Once they left, I crawled out of bed and looked in the mirror. Christ on a cheese cracker, I was a mess. How could I let myself go like this?
I took a shower, a long shower, and sat by the window.
It had a perfect view of the old willow tree by the lake.
I got up angrily and tried to read my books.
No luck.
Homework?
No luck.
Sleeping?
Nightmares of last night replayed over and over in my head.
My answer came a minute later. There was an incessant tapping on my window. I realized that I had missed the morning post, and probably confused my owl.
I opened the window, but it wasnt my owl. Perhaps it was a school owl?
I tore the letter from its leg and it sat, waiting, as I read.
James Potter sat on a wall.
James Potter had a great fall.
All of Prongs horses and all the Prongs men
Couldnt put James poor heart back together again
At the bottom there was tiny, almost invisible, neatly scrawled heart.
And then I cried some moreI am such a blubbering idiot.
I quickly grabbed my parchment and tried to remember an old rhyme that my mother used to tell Petunia and me.
The hart, he loves the high wood;
The Marla, she loves the hill;
The knight, he loves his bright broom;
The lady loves her will
It's already lead her to her doom.
The last bit had been a spur of the moment rendition, but then again, I had chopped a lot of it up anyway. I quickly gave it to the owl and watched him take off to the other side of the tower.
It came back in under four minutes.
[ A very long story and had sheep involved
]
Quote
Pfft, there is no escaping the Evans temper. However, I was impressed at how he had completely leapt over the couch, two tables, and knocked out another two first years trying to get to the boys staircase.
Impedimenta! I yelled quickly, whipping out my wand as I ran down the staircase.
His running became sluggishly slow and he didnt even make it past my favourite chair.
Oh now hes done it, I heard Remus say.
I got a firm grip on the front of his robes and pulled him down my eye level. Care to explain to me, I hissed, just why I had to shovel my way out of bed this morning?
The spell hadnt completely worn off of him yet; I could feel curious eyes looking at us.
Earlier this morning some one had charmed the windows openhow he managed it, I dont even want to knowand me and my dorm mates woke up to be over knee-deep in freshly fallen snow.
One poor girl, Alice, had rolled off her bed in shock and into the snow andoh dear, what happened to her? I dont think Ive seen her since
James face twitched; the spell was wearing off. Good.
Well? I said.
Iuhdidnt, um, do it?
Welluhthat sure, um, sounded like the, er, truth, I glared, still holding on to his robes.
Chill, Evans, he said, smiling, (At this point Sirius Black, Potters partner in crime, jumped up and yelled PUN!), gently pulling back his robes and drawing himself up to full height in all of his six-foot-tall glory.
Lucky bastard was a good five inches taller than me.
So my intimidation tactic was shot to hell.
Just use a couple of banishing charms and everything will be cleared up! he said.
Hmph! Tell that to my miffed pride.
I stormed off to do just as Potter suggested; not thatd Id ever tell him that I did, mind you. But I didnt even make it to the staircase when he came after me.
EvansLily, wait up a sec! He made a reach for my arm, but I smartly snatched it away. "Will you go out with--?"
Save yourself the shame, Prongs, Sirius called up to him, cutting my answer of "Hell no," off.
He hesitated at the step, not that he would be able to climb up unless he had an immediate gender change. Which is actually not all that improbable. I really dont know him that well andwell, anyway, I was about four stairs above him.
You look like a lost lamb the way you follow her, Sirius said and shook his head, Where is the pride that placed you in Gryffindor?
James swelled up like an angry toad that had been stepped on.
Not that I would actually know if that were true, but the implication still stands.
But he did go into his little huffy-puffy mode and sauntered off to the boys dorms.
Good riddance, I say. I turned to finish walking up when Sirius, the bastard, placed one foot on the stairs I was currently climbing. The stairs melted right beneath my feet and I slid down, most ungracefully, might I add, and landed back in the common room.
I bonked him over the head.
Jackass,
Ive missed you, too, dear, he grinned ignorantly, but rubbed his head.
Lets have a little chat, shall we, Lily-flower? he said, pulling me to my feet.
No,
Pleeeeeeease?
No,
I know you reeeeeeally want to,
No,
Its about Jaaaamsie,
I paused.
My downfall
No, I said as quickly as I could, but it was too latedamn it.
Sirius was already grinning ear from ear, that pompous little
Do you think you could, I dunno... said Remus beside him, fidgeting, give him a shot? He does genuinely seem to be rather keen on you,
I scoffed. And Remus was supposed to be the smart one of their little group. The others have obviously brainwashed him.
Such a shame, he was rather good-looking, too.
No, Brilliant range of vocabulary I've displayed, havent it? I honestly felt like I was four years old again. I wrenched my arm and walked back up the newly reformed stairs.
Suit yourself! Sirius called up to me.
I ignored him and proceeded to my room so I could A, find Alice (I was getting rather worried about her disappearance), and B, get dressed. Not saying I was running around nude, of course, but I was rather cold after Emma stuffed that snowball down my shirt.
After that, I walked down to the Great Hall just like the rest of the world. But of course, unlike the rest of the world, I received a howler.
My first howler.
Oh, the shame
They should honestly denounce my head girl position and brand me for life.
I piled my plate reasonably with bagels and cereal etc. etcAnd it wasnt until the owls came in for the morning mail that everything went out of control.
The envelope was dropped right into my oatmeal and slightly splattered my robes. Grimacing, I pulled it out and only then did I realize that it was bright red.
I nearly hypervenalated.
Im serious.
Me; a howler...I didn't think it was possible to use my name and that word in the same sentence, unless its "Lily's never had a howler in her life before today,"
It started smoking at the edges and Marla leaned over to have a look.
Who sent it to you? she asked confused.
I-I dont know, I answered unsurely.
Oh god, Oh god, Oh god, Oh god, Oh godwhy did everyone seem to go so quiet all of the sudden? Why is everybody staring at me? I didnt mean to do whatever I did or did not do! Stop staring!
Lily! Marla hissed, If you dont open it itll!
Too late.
It exploded.
In my face.
Which was now covered in ash.
Oh how appealing I must have looked.
And then, the worst most possible thing that couldve happened, happened. It began to sing.
Lily had a little lamb,
Little lamb,
Little lamb.
Lily had a little lamb,
Whose hair was black as coal!
I sat frozen in my place, completely mortified, as everyone turned to look at me. I recognized the voice immediatelySirius Black, who I would have never suspected of ever knowing such horrendous rhyme.
I had come from a muggle family, so I was quite well aware of the nursery rhyme. Most of the purebloods were looking clueless, however. The wretched envelope continued:
Everywhere that Lily went,
Lily went,
Lily went,
Everywhere that Lily went,
The lamb was sure to go!
It followed her to class one day,
Class one day,
Class one day.
It followed her to class one day,
Which was against the rules.
It made the Marauders laugh and play,
Laugh and play,
Laugh and play.
It made the Marauders laugh and play,
To see a lamb at school!"
It shriveled up into a small pile of burning embers and everybody laughed.
Quite a lot, might I add.
The laughter seemed to stretch on for ages and I hastily whipped the soot and ash off my face, trying to redeem myself. Marla and Emma looked pityingly at me, but I knew that they had been laughing as well. I grabbed bagel and decided that, right then, I didnt mind being twenty minutes early for Transfiguration.
I was halfway across the Great Hall when I heard some one call me.
A certain some one who I would have preferred to avoid.
Lily! Wait up!
I could hear Sirius laugh and went on for another round.
He followed her to class one day, class one day, class one day!
Lily, he had caught up with me. I blame my short legs. I-I swear I had nothing to do with that!
He sounded genuine.
Mustve been feverish.
Which was against the rules! Oh brilliant, others had joined in as well.
Right, I said sarcastically, And Im really Malfoys twin sister, separated at birth, I snapped.
Well then, he said with an easy-going smile, Nice to meet you Lily Malfoy, Im James, he held out his hand that I didnt take.
I grimaced. That sounded horrible. Lily Malfoy? Ugh, the way you said it made it sound as though we were married,
James tripped on something in the corridor that I apparently missed.
We reached Transfiguration and McGonagall was already there. Potter wouldnt try anything funny while she was around.
Would he?
Oh good lord, this is James Potter Im talking about here! Of course he would! I positioned myself on the most opposite side of the roomfarthest seat from James.
He shook his head and sat down in the other corner.
Just like that.
No comments.
No innuendos.
No flirting.
No pranks.
Good gravy, he must be feverish!
We didnt say anything until the bell rung and everyone filed in accordingly. Sirius, of course, was still singing that abject little ditty.
McGonagall settled everyone down.
With the holidays only three weeks away, everyone was excited and even more objective to orders. Or just plain ignored her.
Not that I would do either of those two.
Nope, not me; not Lily Evans for sure.
She droned on and ontransfigureblah blah blahspellblah blah blahwater to candleblah blah blahpartnersblah blah blah Evans youre with Potterblah blah
Wait.
WHAT?
Truly brilliant of me, really. I only drew about the entire classes attention to me.
And then I wondered if I had really gotten all of the ash off my face.
Wrong thought. Wrong time.
Is there a problem, Ms. Evans? McGonagall asked me. But I knew that she, quite frankly, didnt give a hoot if I had a problem with my partner.
Erm, cant I have Marla or Emma instead? I pleaded, trying to sound polite, not desperate.
Well, she said through pursed lips, I suppose that partnering some one with the seventh years most capable transfiguration student with one of the more abysmal ones in order to help improve said abysmal students transfiguration grade doesnt make sense, does it, Ms. Evans?
Well if she was going to be all snippy about it
But Marlas good at Transfiguration, too I protested weakly.
She gave me this reprimanding look before partnering off everyone else.
Everyone moved over to his or her partner, including me.
I all-but-too gently, (sarcasm, sarcasm) slammed my books next to JamesPotter, damn it, I meant Potter!
You go first, I hadnt been listening to what she said. I didnt even know the spell.
He didnt object and waved his wand and mumbled the spell. I hadnt heard it, but the coloured water swiftly turned into a lovely yellow candle with little wavy patterns on the top and bottom.
Show off.
He waited a second before transfiguring it back.
Your turn, he said.
Right, I held up my wand.
This wasnt going to work. I glanced at the board, hoping that McGonagall had written it down for us.
She didnt.
"Poo-head," said my inner five year old.
Eh, what was the spell again? Oh, look! There went my pride! Did you see it just walk out the classroom door? I sure as hell did
Increbresco, he told me without making anything of it.
I blinked.
He didnt even gloat.
I was seriously tempted to check his forehead for that fever.
But people would ask questions.
Questions that I did not feel like answering.
He looked at me weirdly.
Have your eyelids been glued back or something, Evans?
And any hope I had for him went out completely.
Nope, I said evenly, Youve just got some jam in your hair,
He began to run both hands through his hair frantically, trying to get rid of the jam that he just couldnt seem to find
It took me three tries, but I eventually turned the water into a candle.
Okay, maybe seven tries.
FINE! TWELVE TRIES! And even then, the candle had some strange gooey build to it
James, going into one of his bi-polar moods, laughed and poked fun at me and kept saying that I had to stop focusing so much, and to just relax and trust the magic to the work.
Buffoon.
I cant do magic if I dont focus on it.
"Hey, Evans?" he asked.
"Yeah?" I said, trying to not concentrate like he had suggested.
"Why won't you go out with me?"
That got my attention. The spell I had intended to be used on the water hit another girl's Transfiguration book. She gave me a sharp look when it exploded.
Drama queen...
"Because, Potter, " I sighed, trying to focus on aiming this time, "You don't like me, for one thing, you don't even use my first name for goodness sake. You, quite frankly, know nothing about me."
He opened his mouth to say something.
"And," I added quickly, "You have spent the better part of six years making my life hard as hell,"
James tried to say something in defense.
"And you have no appreciation for muggles or their traditions," I added, remembering the one time I had tried to explain a muggle Halloween.
He began to look annoyed when he opened his mouth the third time.
"And I find you're temper very annoying." I finished smugly.
"Well, even if I did change, it's not as though you would give me the time of day, now is it?" he snapped.
"You see?" I yelled suddenly, "There's you're temper! It's always flaring up when something doesn't go your way!"
"That's not true!" he yelled.
I stood up to match him and his voice, "YOU'RE PROVING MY POINT RIGHT NOW!"
Suddenly, a shy looking third year opened the door.
Um, she started and nervously walked up to McGonagall who, (besides ignoring our latest tiff), was criticizing Emmas purple supposed-to-be candle, but it looked more like a childs play-dough.
Ive got a message from Professor Flitwick about some exploding turnips, dung bombs, canaries, and an emergency?
McGonagall sighed.
What floor?
Fourth,
Ill be back before the period is over, she said to the class, keep practicing and dont do anything stupid while Im gone, She walked out the door with the student.
The woman has such faith in us.
But, however, she was right.
The moment the clicking of her shoes had faded down the corridor, Sirius, seated a row behind me and James, had started another rousing chorus of Lily Had a Little Lamb,
Lily had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. Lily had a little lamb, whose hair was black as coal!
I vaguely saw the side of Potters neck heat up like the Gryffindor fireplace.
Emma and Marla were looking torn between feeling sorry for me and joining right in with the rest of the class.
Bloody traitors...
James blatantly ignored what they said, but didnt show embarrassment.
But by the time they got barely to, It made the Marauders laugh and playI was just plain sick of them.
I hated being teased, even if they were being jokingly about it.
I had this sudden urge to prove myself. So I picked up my stupid wand, pointed it at my stupid cup full of the stupid water and yelled the stupid spell:
"INCREBRESCO!" and it turned into the best-damn looking candle I had ever seen, completely lit and all.
Take that, you pureblooded freaks.
Sirius was still laughing and sing that damn song. I picked up the candle, held it in my hand and used a charm that I had looked up in the library.
"Locappar douze!"
The candle disappeared from my hand and relocated itself right at Black's feet. He shot up like a bat out of hell, I was pleased to see. The Locappar charm relocated a certain object right where a certain person wishes to places his or her feet. The little Douze part at the end meant that it would duplicate itself every ten seconds. So what would be one, became two, after two, there were four, after four their were sixteen...and on it would go until I lifted it.
To make things more difficult, (for him, I mean), I sent the Tarantallegra charm at him and his legs began to sporadically go into this mad-Italian like dance
He had long since stopped singing and made an immediate reach for his wand.
But Emma, bless her, accio-ed it away from him.
He looked at me bewildered.
Perhaps he just thought I was going to slowly burn him to death
Not a bad idea, but a bit too messy.
Recognize this rhyme, Sirius? I asked him deviously and charmed the classes' quills to sing (in high, squeaky, hamster-like voices, might I add) as the stood up on the edge of each owner's desk:
Black, be nimble,
Black, be quick,
Black, jump over the candlestick!
Black jumped high,
And Black jumped low,
Black jumped over
and burned his toe!
Insert my evil maniacal laughter here. No wonder the Marauders pranked so much, I realized, it was fun. And the gloating...! Good lord it was heaven on earth!
You would think that with almost seven years of magical education behind me and the most ultimate power to prank people that I would have realized this
So with Sirius dancing up and over about forty some odd number of flames, Emma, Marla, and the other three Marauders laughing so hard that they were reduced to tears, several still singing Lily Had a Little Lamb, and me, in the centre of it all, laughing like a loon was just exactly how McGonagall found us all.
You! she pointed to me, furiously, My officeNOW!
Oh joys behold me
At least I had break after this. Personally, I would prefer break to be after my third period Potions lesson. I hardly need a break after just one class. Then again, it is Transfiguration, my worst subject, but I dont need a whole period to recuperate. But this wasn't exactly the time to debate such an irrelevant topic.
All in all, she lectured me for the rest of the period, only docked off fifteen points from Gryffindor and gave me one nights detention.
I wasnt all that surprised that I had gotten off as much.
She knew just as much as I did that Black deserved what he got.
McGonagall was still annoyed with me, even after I got up to leave. I hesitated before turning back to her.
Professor? I said.
What is it now, Ms. Evans? she asked exasperatedly.
You have a canary in your hair,
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I walked back to the common room for some R n R before Arithmancy.
Password, dear? the fat lady asked.
Blubberwits, I answered. I didnt even know if that was a real word, or if some one had accidentally sneezed when they had meant to say the real password.
As I crawled through, I could already hear the voices and I paused halfway through the limbo-area between the hallway and the common room.
"I'm telling you," I heard Emma say to some one, "She will kill you before you have the chance to hide,"
"And, before you ask, Sirius, no, you cannot and will not hide behind me this time," I heard Remus tell him sternly.
"Nonsense!" said a happy Sirius. "We won't have to go to such extremes once she realizes that she and James were made for each other!"
I narrowed my eyes.
"I can tell you right now that she's not going to take to it very well," Emma tried. "She will string you up by your entrails,"
Again, Sirius brushed her off, "Of course she won't. She'll be too busy snogging James!"
"Does James know about this?"
"Well, no..."
"Excuse me?" a small voice said behind me.
I jumped up and hit my head. Nearly had a heart attack, I did, and at the tender age of seventeen. I turned to look behind me only to see three younger students wanting to get to their dorms.
"Sorry," I mumbled and finished crawling through, walked by a scared looking group of first-years who were shuffling near the girls' staircase whispering amongst each other.
"Hey, Lily," said Emma, who was, surprisingly, sitting next to Sirius.
"'Lo," I answered.
"How did McGonagall take it?" Remus asked.
"Better than expected," I quickly filled them in on what happened.
"I must say that was very impressive work, Lily-dear," said Sirius, nodding approvingly and taking nothing personal, "Never knew our head girl had it in her,"
I scoffed.
"Please," I said haughtily and examined my nails, mocking arrogance, "that was second year work, at best,"
We laughed.
Me, Emma, and half of the Marauders...weird.
And then James joined us.
"What's the joke?" he asked immediately.
"You," I answered without hesitation. Point for me.
"I'm sure it wasn't as funny as the one I heard about you yesterday," he didn't even need to take half a breath to think of it. Point for him. Lucky bastard.
"I'm going to get some home work done," I announced as I got up, not wanting to be in his presence any longer. Emma tensed and I made a mental note to figure out why.
And I did.
The very bleeding moment I set foot on the staircase.
That's also when I figured out why the group of first-years had been acting so suspicious when I walked in...
As I made my why to go up to my room, no less than ten gallons of water came crashing down on me.
I stood there.
In shock.
And very, very wet.
The first-years started to sing, off tune, but in relative unison:
"The Eencey Weencey Lily
Climbed up the water spout;
Down came the rain
And washed poor Lily out,"
Sirius was in hysterics. The funny kind, I mean. As in "ha ha, you look soooo stupid dripping wet and being serenaded by a bunch of first-years ha ha," type of hysterics.
I knew he was up to something...that fact that I overheard him talking about itmeans nothing.
"Lily!" James shot up immediately and tried to come to my rescue.
Pfft, I am a perfectly strong and independent woman and am quite capable of a simple drying charm, thankyouverymuch. Or at least, that had been what I intended to say...but the moment that I got a good look at his hazel eyes, the drying charm was the farthest thing from my mind.
"Here," he said, pulling out his wand, "Let me help,"
Help? When was the last time James Potter actually willingly helped some one beside himself? What was with all of these bi-polar moods?
"Out came the sun
And dried up all the rain;
"Thanks," I said quickly, turning to back up the staircase again.
"Say, Lily?" he asked.
"What?" I turned around, peeved.
"I was just, um, I was thinking, I mean--"
"Potter," I said coldly, "get to the point,"
"Would like to gotothekitchnswi'me?"
I turned around and bluntly said, "Huh?"
"I..." he started before he changed his sentence as well as his composure, (everyone on the couch groaned when they realized what was happening),"I was just saying that you desperately need to work on your transfiguration form. And, as it so conveniently is, I happen to be free tomorrow after lunch and we could--"
"No,"
And that was that. Point for me! Whoop!
And the Eencey Weencey Lily
Climbed up the spout
"Would you lot please just shut up?" I snapped at them. Not the nicest thing to say to a bunch of eleven year olds, but hey, you don't annoy red heads. You just don't.
Duh.
I finished my way up to the dorms, and got to work...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next morning, I had to nearly drag Emma and Marla out of bed.
I was excited.
Very excited.
Very, very excited.
I was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement.
I hurriedly pulled them down the corridors in their rumpled uniforms to make sure that we got their ten minutes before post. I grabbed three seats just a short while down from the Marauders who were obliviously eating their breakfast.
They'll never know what hit them.
Well, actually they will, because as it is, the group of us seem to be in this "Nursery Rhyme" sort of war.
Finally, the owls came in; I nearly choked on my muffin I was so excited.
Four owls immediately flew towards James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter at the end of the table, and each owl dropped a howler in their plates.
Everyone began to grow silent at their end of the Gryffindor table.
"You open it first!" said Sirius to Remus.
"Are you mad?"
"There is no way"
"Does it say who its fr?"
But I had charmed them to go off before they had the chance to open them. Even I have to marvel at my smart-yness, sometimes. I was already grinning like a maniac, completely giving me away if my voice in the howler didn't:
"Fee! Fie! Foe! Fum!
I smell the blood of some Englishmen.
Be 'em 'live, or be 'em dead,
I'll grind their bones to make my bread."
The Marauders looked positively scandalized. Particularly Sirius and James.
I happily bit into my butter roll and began to converse with a shocked Emma and an equally shocked Marla.
"Lily?" Marla asked, "Was that...Was that you?"
"Yup!" I supplied happily, grinning like an idiot again.
They both gaped openly at me.
I could already tell, that today was going to be a good day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And it was.
It just got incredibly strange during lunch break in the Great Hall.
"Lily!" some one called out.
"Whu'?" my mouth was full. I turned to see who it was, and was surprised to see James, with a look of determination on his face.
I swallowed my peanut butter, pineapple, and pepperoni sandwich.
"Happy Thanksgiving," he held out a rather large basket to me.
The funny thing about the situation was A, Thanksgiving was weeks ago, and B, the basket...well, it was squirming.
"Potter," I looked at it, trying to hold in my disdained look, "Do you even know what Thanksgiving is?" I asked.
His face fell slightly, but he cleared his throat, "It is a muggle holiday held on the twenty-fourth of November to celebrate the Pilgrims and Indians getting along and making peace and sharing turkey," I think he had it memorized... "I apologize for it being late," He again prompted me with the basket.
"James," I said more reasonably, trying not to laugh, "Thanksgiving isn't just a muggle tradition. Magical people celebrate it every year as well."
James faltered.
I was in a full-blown grin as I went on. "In North America," I laughed. "There were no Native Americans in Britain, henceforth why we do not celebrate Thanksgiving. And pilgrims were originally from here, yes, but they immigrated to the early United States." Poor James, "But what on earth do you have in the basket?"
He looked down at his hands and simply said:
"The turkey,"
I looked at him, confused, and lifted the lid open.
I wish I hadn't.
I really wish I hadn't.
Apparently James didn't get the memo that the Native Americans and the Pilgrims had cooked the infamous turkey.
I found out first-hand just how humorous it is to watch some of Britain's top school teachers run around trying to catch a wild bird not even native to the continent.
I found it so funny that I just had to give James a hug as I nearly lost my lung laughing so hard. Potter looked like a lost lamb, which I found oddly endearing coming from him.
As I was laughing, I realized just how seriously James had taken my declaration about him not caring about muggle traditions to heart.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next day was Friday, thank heavens. It had been a long week.
I was merrily making my way down to breakfast when the usual "my house is better than your house" (translation: Gryffindor/Slytherin related) brawl broke out in one of the corridors.
Me, being the wonderful saving grace of Head Girl that I am, went over to break it up and dock off the usual ten points per-person.
Unfortunately, I didn't count on being hit by a Bat-Bogey hex. Then again, most people in life don't, unless some one is personally out to get them. And I don't think I fall into that category, but quite frankly I do not enjoy my over-grown boogers attacking me in the middle of the hall.
Again, most people don't like that as well.
A nice Ravenclaw seventh year named Carl Davis helped me beat them off and was even nice enough to escort me to the Infirmary wing. Unfortunately, Madam Pompfrey was too busy fussing over some one more important than my Bat-Bogey hex, so I was forced to battle my bogies on my own.
The fact that I was missing Transfiguration didn't bother me the slightest.
By the time Madam Pompfrey got to me, I had just less than twenty minutes left in the lesson that I would not be attending. I was not about to sit there next to James Potter if I could avoid it.
But then I was forced to reevaluate my opinion on him.
I decided that I would spend my free period time out by the lake and enjoy the snow before the spring came. Granted, that wouldn't be for another three and a half months, but why not stop and smell the roses?
I walked through the empty corridors and deftly listened to the professor's lectures. I stifled a yawn. Skipping class was no fun if you didn't have anyone to skip with.
However, I came upon something most inquiring as I passed the Transfiguration wing.
A sheep.
I don't think I've seen a funnier sight. Well, actually, I just remembered The Turkey incident yesterday. So neveeer mind.
It must've heard me snort in laughter because it looked away from the door it had been previously staring at and clumsily whirled around to look at me.
I was in the Transfiguration wing, so there was no telling what it had once been. A chair, a desk, maybe if the student was super-advanced, a quill. Or it could've gotten loose at Hagrids. He's been known to have some strange creatures float around his area. But sheep? For Hagrid, that just seemed, well, too normal.
It slowly walked up to me and stared at me expectantly. It had abnormally black fur from head to hoof and it could have easily blended right into the shadows if it wasn't hanging around in the sun.
Maybe Hagrid was training magic-sheep...?
I rolled my eyes at it.
"C'mon," I sighed as I began to walk towards the Entrance Hall, "We'll get you back where you belong,"
It followed me, oddly enough. It was even comfortable walking right besides me.
When I said that skipping class would be more fun with some one else, I, uhm, had meant some one human. Who could talk back to me so there would be no one-sided conversation.
"At least I have a legit reason for getting out of class," I mumbled, "'Sorry, Professor, but there really was a sheep in the castle that was lost and it needed my help! Honest!'" I snorted, "That'd rub off reeeally well,"
The said sheep looked at me.
I rolled my eyes at it.
"I'm not good at Transfiguration, okay?" I snapped. It looked down at the snow as we walked. A lot of it had already melted since yesterday, I noticed. I sighed, "Sorry," I told the sheep, "It's just that it's the one class that I can never seem to get a break in." We passed the greenhouse where Professor Sprout was teaching her fifth years.
"And that James Potter is just so infuriating!" I threw my arms up wildly, just like the mad-woman I truly am.
The sheep looked up at me sadly.
"Well, what's it to you?" I snapped at it. "You're just a sheep. I highly doubt that you've ever had to deal with some one asking you out ever since you were fourteen. And everyone is always telling me how 'he's not all that bad' and rubbish. Not that bad? Not that bad? He's take pleasure in torturing all of the poor innocent Slytherins who have already been told to hate the Gryffindors and just hate them even more because people like James Potter are around, confirming that they were right in the first place."
"Lily Evans?" Hagrid asked, confused.
I looked around. I hadn't realized that we had already walked to his hut. Oops.
"Hey, Hagrid," I said conversationally. "I've got a question for you," I moved out of the way to show him the sheep that had followed me. "Do you have a herd of sheep or something? Because I think this one"
"What one?" he asked.
"The one thatoh..." I looked around wildly. It had disappeared. "B-but...it was just here! I swear!"
Hagrid laughed.
"NEWT's already getting to ya, eh, Lily?"
I was confused. I knew that there had been a sheep...
"I guess so..." I answered slowly.
"Either way," he went on, "Hogwarts doesn't have a herd of sheep, and I doubt that there are any in the forest,"
"Oh, okay, thanks then," I said and walked away, slightly confounded.
I made it only about forty feet away from the hut before a familiar little coal-coloured head stuck itself right under my hand.
I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"So now you want to hang out?" I glared at the offending sheep. I just had to rethink that sentence..."offending sheep", indeed. "You think that you can just ditch me and come back and then we'll be best friend again, don't you?"
It looked at me pitifully.
"Oh all right," I sighed dramatically. We walked over to the tree by the lake. I waved my wand and suddenly there was a nice snow free spot under one of the larger branches. I leaned up against the trunk and the sheep audaciously laid down next to me and put its head in my lap.
"Presumptuous much?" I said.
Its response was only a snuggled into my stomach.
I began ranting again. "Do you know how me and Potter first met?" I asked it, not expecting an answer. "It was on the boat ride to Hogwarts, first year. He pushed me overboard. I was completely embarrassed, and teased about it until third year. And that was after I punched Malfoy in the jaw. But even the sorting hat was complaining saying that one girl was going to ruin his one thousand year old material and stitch work. I was so terrified that I thought they were going to kick me out,"
It locked eyes with me.
"Then again, he was only eleven." I agreed. "But his mentality has hardly evolved from since." I was lying. The sheep knew it too. It lifted its head up and stared at me. I sighed again reluctantly. "Alright, so he has matured a bit. But people just don't change like that over one summer! It takes years for something drastic like that to happen. Although that would explain his hot-to-cold personality right now," I hate it when I answer my own questions. It is very, very annoying.
"I do honestly appreciate it now that he's starting to understand that I will not date him just because he asked me. I s'pose that the whole turkey incident kind of proves that he's willingly trying to change though doesn't it? Ugh, look at me," I said as the sheep happily looked at me, "I can't believe I'm raving about James Potter with a sheep. Good gravy, I'm losing my mind again.
The sheep began to stand up, as if it felt as though it were intruding on some one else's personal problems.
"Oooh no," I grabbed a tuff of fur and lightly yanked it back down next to me. "You are going to sit here as proof that I am not insane, be my pillow, and you are going to listen to my problems," I told the sheep firmly.
And it did just that, the dear thing did.
I laid comfortably on the grass with a sheep as my pillow under the old willow tree. That rhymed! Maybe I should become a poet! No, no, no...They make next to no money. How dull.
"As much as I hate to admit it," I confided, "I'm actually beginning to consider giving James a chance." Even through the layers of fluff, for some reason I could feel the sheep's pulse increase dramatically. Odd. "I s'pose that if he was persistent enough to keep asking me for almost four years now, I guess I do owe him a chance to prove himself. And if not, I can go back to hating him in peace."
I took in a deep breath.
"You know, for a sheep, you sure as heck don't smell like a barn or anything," I told it. I felt it tense up slightly. "You smell more like..." I took a nice big waft. "Cologne...?" I turned my head so I could look at it. "Hot date, tonight or something?"
It seemed to give me a look that said, "If only".
I tutted mockingly. "What would the Mrs. Sheep say?" I laughed at the curious expression it made. "Y'know," I said to it, "You're not half bad. And I don't think there are any rules against having pet sheep at Hogwarts. Maybe I can keep you," I smiled at it, but it looked slightly alarmed, as if only just remembering something.
"Yeesh, sorry," I said, "No need to get so insulted."
It responded by endearingly rubbing my cheek with its cold nose. Actually...if it were human, it would've been kissing me on the cheek. Does that count as snogging? Am I a sheep snogger? Oh now I feel terrible for leading it on like this! I was all but throwing myself at it! Aaaaargh...I'm such a horrible person!
"Listen here, you," I said not as nicely as I intended, sitting up, "I am a human," and pointed to myself, "and you are a sheep," I pointed to said sheep. "It would never work out. I'm sorry, but that is the way the cookie crumbles, and that is how Mother Nature intended for it to be. She doesn't want some human-slash-sheep hybrids wandering around the earth, no-sirree."
It was then I realized, by the look of shock on the sheep's face, just how ridiculous I sounded.
"C'mon," I said, standing up, "I'll take you to the dorm so you don't freeze to death." Even though that was highly unlikely with all of the fur it had that seemed to be sticking up in all odd directions.
My free period was over halfway up, and people were wandering the corridors going to and from places such as the library.
If by chance you saw a girl with bright red hair being tailed by a jet black sheep in your school, what would you do? Why, stare of course! The hallways parted for me easily like Moses and the sea, whispering like I couldn't hear them.
Yeah, sure, some idiot would make a jive at me, but the sheep didn't take to well to that. It rammed one of Lucius Malfoy's cronies straight into a suit of armor and down the stairwell.
But most took the sheep and me good-humouredly, such as most of the Gryffindors. Some even broke out into Sirius' favourite song:
Lily had a little lamb,
Little lamb,
Little lamb.
Lily had a little lamb,
Whose hair was black as coal!
You know... I couldve sworn that the last line went "Whose fleece was white as snow" or something like that...But it has been a while, so I'm not one to talk.
It was strange, though, that the sheep following me around had fur black as coal. Now that I mention it, I could name some one else who had hair as dark as coal, just like in the song.
"It followed her to class one day,
Class one day,
Class one day.
It followed her to class one day,
Which was against the rules!"
Didn't the lamb follow her to school one day? Not just class?
I can remember when some one with hair as dark as coal followed me to my Transfiguration class the other day...And he was notoriously known for completely disregarding the rules.
"It made the Marauders laugh and play,
Laugh and play,
Laugh and play.
It made the Marauders laugh and play,
To see a lamb at school!"
I hadn't realized that the Marauders threw in their name like that. Probably just for publicity amongst the girls. They always seemed to be having such a good time as well as getting top marks in their classes. I recall when I had taken a leaf out of their book and made Sirius jerkily jump over a candlestick to a nursery rhyme being sung by a bunch of quills.
We made it to the Gryffindor Tower.
"Blubberwits,"
"Sure thing, dear," the portrait slid open to reveal the passage. I had to give the sheep a boost. It almost hesitantly walked in front of me.
I gave it a push.
"They're my friends, sheep, they're not going to eat...well, Marla is Scottish and she was telling me about this time when she was at a reunion and ate sheep intestines, so just try to avoid her," I said, but it didn't seem encouraging to the sheep.
"Lily?" Emma said worriedly into the small tunnel, "Is that you?"
"Hey, Em," I said, "It's me,"
"We were so worried about you!" she gushed. The stupid sheep refused to movie so I crawled around it.
"You and James were both missing a-and Marla had thought that you two were going to do something stupid, together or not, and we don't even know what happened James! Wait, where were you?"
"I was in the Infirmary," I told her, reaching back into the limbo-passage area that I had once used to spy on Emma and Sirius with. "'Got hit with the Bat Bogey hex and had to get cleaned up. But what's all this nonsense I hear about James?"
"Oh, jeez," she rubbed her forehead as I continued to sweep my hands through the passage area. "No one knows. One of the Hufflepuffs James was partnered with went a little crazy with his spell and there was this big explosion--McGonagall looked as though she would kill some one. It had apparently somehow mildly affected nearly everyone in the class, save for George, I think his name was, who was casting the spell in he first place." She sighed worriedly. "But as for James...all we could find were his robes and his wand. Nothing else. The poor Hufflepuffs is positively grief-stricken about it, too, he's too upset to even join the search party..."
Aha! True, I was only half-listening, but was rather intent on finding my sheep to show off to Emma. But I gave a small tug and it came out and into the common room.
"Isn't it cute?" I said, huggling it and enjoying the soft fur against my cheek.
The worry of her fellow Gryffindor went away completely as she knelt down next to me.
"Omigod he's adorable!"
The sheep seemed to face-fault.
"He?" I repeated.
"Well," she blushed, "if you'd just look under--"
But she never did tell me just what I had to "look under" because Sirius and Remus came barreling through the portrait.
"If they can't find him by morning, they're going to have to call his parents!" Sirius shouted the moment they were through.
"This is getting serious," I said to Emma, "Shouldn't they just fire call his parents now?"
"They don't want to raise a panic too soon," Remus said tous and then he took a double take at me, with an odd expression on his face. "Erm, Lily? Where did you get that sheep?"
"SHEEP?" Sirius yelled furiously, "YOU LOT ARE WORRYING ABOUT A SHEEP WHEN HERE MY BEST FRIEND IS MISSING?" He turned to yell at the three of them and had to take not one, but two double takes at them.
He froze, just as the sheep did.
"James?" said Sirius, bewildered.
"No," I automatically corrected, suddenly feeling protective, "Sheep," I said.
He practically threw himself in front of me and the sheep, clasped two hands around either side of the sheeps face and pulled it up to his nose for a close look.
"Prongs?" He said worriedly.
The traitor of a sheep scrambled out of my arms and began to attempt a victory dance.
A victory dance. A patented victory dance that I often saw after the Gryffindor Quidditch matches.
I had found the sheep outside of the Transfiguration corridor, looking at a door that perhaps it had just come out of. And to think that just the other day we were practicing turning water into candles...so how does some one turn into a sheep during that short period of time? It had no problem whatsoever as to listening to whatever I said and
Oh God. What I had said.
This was so not cool.
I sat there shell-shocked as Remus, Sirius, and Sheep/James jumped around joyfully, happy to know that their friend was safe.
I suddenly felt alone.
And very scared now that James knew almost everything I thought about him.
Emma jumped up in sudden realization; "We have to go see Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore immediately!"
Sirius was in the lead, followed by sheep/James, Remus, Emma, and reluctantly me. Personally, I didnt want to be there if the sheep really was James.
I dont think I could possible be his fellow Head Student if it was.
We had to run all the way down to the second floor to find Professor McGonagall.
Weve found James! Sirius some how hoisted him in front of McGonagalls face who paled. Cant you fix him! He yelled after a moments silence.
Of course I can, she snapped back. Place him on the ground, she ordered and pulled out her wand and paused to concentrate for a moment. REVERTUS MORTUS MAXIMUS!
And suddenly, where a very black little sheep once was, stood a very tall and slightly disgruntled looking James Potter.
A very disgruntled looking and naked James Potter.
He didnt seem to realize this, even after McGonagall quickly shut her eyes and went down the corridor as swiftly as she could.
Emma had to, literally, use force to turn me around.
Between Sirius and Remus, they barely had enough spare robe one their person to get James decent enough to walk back up to the Gryffindor common room.
I felt awkward as I tagged behind everyone else.
Lily? James turned around to face her. Are you, um, are you okay?
Just fine, I said bitterly. I attempted to walk passed the others.
Lily, wait upcan you just look at me?
No! I yelled, I cant! And I really couldntfor goodness sake; I had practically poured my heart out to him thinking that he was an innocent sheep. I was running now.
Im sorry, Lily! I didnt mean for you to tell me things that I wasnt meant to hear! he was running, too.
Then you should have just left! I turned on him.
I tried! he defended himself legitimately, But you pulled me back down and told me to be a pillow and to listen to your problems! I hated how he was so much taller than me.
Something inside me broke free, and I dont think it was a good something BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOOD GOR NOTHING SHEEP! BUT I WAS WRONG! NOW I KNOW THAT YOU WERE JUST A GOOD FOR NOTHING POTTER! I spat out the words faster than I could comprehend them.
YOU WONT EVEN LOOK AT ME IN CLASS WITHOUT MALICE! He was really angry now, I noted. We really need to work on our anger problems.I HAD TO BE REDUCED TO A BLOODY SHEEP BEFORE I COULD ACTUALLY HEAR YOUR VOICE WITH OUT SARCASM!
Quite frankly, I really did not want to be having this conversation in front of the Marauders, Emma, Marlawho had just gotten word of James return, as did half of the school watching.
SARCASM? I repeated, outraged, I ASSURE YOU, POTTER, THAT I AM ONLY EVER SARCASTIC TO YOU, OUT OF EVERYONE IN THIS WHOLE SCHOOL! EVEN SNAPE! EVEN MALFOY!
SARCASM IS THE LOWEST FORM OF WIT, YOU KNOW! James yelled, he was getting desperate as well.
THAN YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND IT JUST FINE! I answered easily. My voice was going hoarse and I didnt understand why there was this prickly feeling behind my eyes.
YOU SAID THAT YOU WERE WILLING TO GIVE ME A CHANCE!
BEFORE I FOUND OUT YOU WERE LYING TO ME!
I COULDNT SAY ANYTHING! I WAS A BLOODY SHEEP!
YOU STILL LIED TO ME!
YOU DIDNT GIVE ME THE CHOICE!
I think poor Marla, confused asever,was border-line heart attack, Emma was practically brimming with tears,and both Sirius and Remus didnt want to be anywhere near the battlefield.
YOU NEVER HAD TO FOLLOW ME OUTSIDE TO HAGRIDS! I yelled, YOU COULD HAVE JUST WAITED AN EXTRA TWO MINUTES FOR MCGONAGALL TO GET THE CLASS UNDER CONTROL! Why did my cheeks suddenly feel so wet? Surely they werent? I wasnt? Was I?
When did the other teachers get here? When did Dumbledore get here? Why isnt he stopping us from fighting? Weve never gotten this far before. Why didnt his eyes have the old twinkle in them?
MAYBE BECAUSE I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU FOR ONCE! He hollered, he had to clear his throat; he was going hoarse as well. Ive known you for almost seven years now, he said more quietly. And its taken me more than just one summer to try to change my attitude to accommodate to your liking. But nothing will ever be good enough for you, Evans, he sneered. He had long lost his appeal when the light in his eyes went out.
THEN WHY? I screeched. Maybe my voice wasnt as forgone as I had thought WHY DID YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE FOR SOME ONE YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD NEVER PLEASE?
He raised his voice again. BECAUSE I WANTED TO TRY! I THOUGHT MAYBE IF I CHANGED JUST A LITTLE BIT THEN YOU WOULD NOTICE AND WE COULD BUILD OFF THAT!
THERE HAS NEVER BEEN ANYTHING TO BUILD OFF OF! I felt myself fighting the losing battle. AND THER NEVER WILL BE!
I ran.
So much for Gryffindor bravery, huh?
I didnt want to look at the ashamed faces of my professors who I would be facing next Monday morning in class. I couldnt bear to see James Potters grief-stricken face as I ran through a petrified Emma and Marla.
I was running through tapestries that I didnt know existed and down corridors that seemed long forgotten in my mind.
Eventually, I dont know how much later, I found my way to the Gryffindor common room. There couldnt have been more than ten people in the whole tower. Everyone else had to be undoubtedly downstairs where James and I threw our last tantrum.
Tomorrow morning I would hand in my badge, maybe give it to Alice; heaven knows shes always dreamed of it.
I sealed my four-poster bed with the most complex locking charm I knew and I flung myself into my pillow and cried.
It was only inevitable that I would fall in love with some one like James Potter.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next morning I awoke to voices.
Real voices, not the silly ones in your head that are always trying to distinguish right from wrong. I think mine are bi-polar or something. Last night, nothing seemed right and everything seemed so wrong but felt so good to have off of my chest but left me feeling horrible, wallowing in my own misery.
I didnt go to breakfast. Or any of my morning classes.
Emma and Marla told me that James was the same way once they had brought her back some toast
They said that they didnt see him at lunch, either, as they shared their sandwiches. They talked to Sirius and Remus, who were guys, and honestly had no idea how to comfort such an emotionally unstable person such as James.
The teachers pretended that nothing was wrong, didnt mention them, and didnt even say either of their names in the morning roll call.
Emma said that they were trying to give us guys as much privacy as possible.
I found it strange since they usually tried to keep business and personal rubbish in two separate cabinets.
Once they left, I crawled out of bed and looked in the mirror. Christ on a cheese cracker, I was a mess. How could I let myself go like this?
I took a shower, a long shower, and sat by the window.
It had a perfect view of the old willow tree by the lake.
I got up angrily and tried to read my books.
No luck.
Homework?
No luck.
Sleeping?
Nightmares of last night replayed over and over in my head.
My answer came a minute later. There was an incessant tapping on my window. I realized that I had missed the morning post, and probably confused my owl.
I opened the window, but it wasnt my owl. Perhaps it was a school owl?
I tore the letter from its leg and it sat, waiting, as I read.
James Potter sat on a wall.
James Potter had a great fall.
All of Prongs horses and all the Prongs men
Couldnt put James poor heart back together again
At the bottom there was tiny, almost invisible, neatly scrawled heart.
And then I cried some moreI am such a blubbering idiot.
I quickly grabbed my parchment and tried to remember an old rhyme that my mother used to tell Petunia and me.
The hart, he loves the high wood;
The Marla, she loves the hill;
The knight, he loves his bright broom;
The lady loves her will
It's already lead her to her doom.
The last bit had been a spur of the moment rendition, but then again, I had chopped a lot of it up anyway. I quickly gave it to the owl and watched him take off to the other side of the tower.
It came back in under four minutes.
[ A very long story and had sheep involved
]Quote
Created by:
lickau
7/20/09 @ 7:17am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285
Finish of Story above [truely boring and great to fall asleep for years ]
Dear Lily,
I am truly and sincerely sorry. I would greatly appreciate being a friend.
As Always,
James
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But I didnt want to be friends with him! I wanted to be somethingsomething a, um, bit more than friendship.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear James,
You have nothing to be sorry foreverything was my fault. And truthfully, I wouldnt mind perusing a stronger relationship that just friends.
Yours Sincerely,
Lily
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lily,
Youve spent the last four years of Hogwarts telling me that you would date the lakes squid before you dated me. I knew Id wear you down.
That line, I noted and couldnt help but grinning, had been crossed out repeatedly
Have you eaten anything today?
As Always,
James
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear James,
Ive had some toast and a sandwich, why do you ask?
Yours Sincerely,
Lily
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lily,
I am currently in the good graces of the Hogwarts house elves and know where we can get some great desserts.
I liked how he drew a smile face.
So what do you say? Would you like to accompany the now-off-the-market-Gryffindor-heartthrob? Or shall you leave him in the kitchens all on his lonesome at the tender mercies of the house elves?
As Always,
James
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wanted to write back, "Personally, I found you more attractive as a sheep", but I doubted that it would get me a date with him after everyone simmered down.
I quickly scribbled down Im already in the common room, before dashing off.
And whoever said that nursery rhymes were just for children?
-:Fin:-
A/N: Well, um, yeah. There you have it. I nearly had the head-title be Snogging Sheep, but Im sure people wouldve just brushed right over the story with that title...This has to be the most random and pointless piece of work that I have ever done. I really enjoyed it!
I was shoveling out my driveway (again) when I was thinking about nursery rhymes and fiddled with the wording. And, get this; I had to do researchon nursery rhymes! Oh the shame...
Anyway, thats that :claps hands: Salsa time!
Love From Luna
BtwHappy Hols. to all
Quote
Dear Lily,
I am truly and sincerely sorry. I would greatly appreciate being a friend.
As Always,
James
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But I didnt want to be friends with him! I wanted to be somethingsomething a, um, bit more than friendship.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear James,
You have nothing to be sorry foreverything was my fault. And truthfully, I wouldnt mind perusing a stronger relationship that just friends.
Yours Sincerely,
Lily
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lily,
Youve spent the last four years of Hogwarts telling me that you would date the lakes squid before you dated me. I knew Id wear you down.
That line, I noted and couldnt help but grinning, had been crossed out repeatedly
Have you eaten anything today?
As Always,
James
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear James,
Ive had some toast and a sandwich, why do you ask?
Yours Sincerely,
Lily
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lily,
I am currently in the good graces of the Hogwarts house elves and know where we can get some great desserts.
I liked how he drew a smile face.
So what do you say? Would you like to accompany the now-off-the-market-Gryffindor-heartthrob? Or shall you leave him in the kitchens all on his lonesome at the tender mercies of the house elves?
As Always,
James
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wanted to write back, "Personally, I found you more attractive as a sheep", but I doubted that it would get me a date with him after everyone simmered down.
I quickly scribbled down Im already in the common room, before dashing off.
And whoever said that nursery rhymes were just for children?
-:Fin:-
A/N: Well, um, yeah. There you have it. I nearly had the head-title be Snogging Sheep, but Im sure people wouldve just brushed right over the story with that title...This has to be the most random and pointless piece of work that I have ever done. I really enjoyed it!
I was shoveling out my driveway (again) when I was thinking about nursery rhymes and fiddled with the wording. And, get this; I had to do researchon nursery rhymes! Oh the shame...
Anyway, thats that :claps hands: Salsa time!
Love From Luna
BtwHappy Hols. to all
Quote
Created by:
lickau
7/20/09 @ 7:18am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285
Lamb Sandwiches with Mint Pea Pure (2 sandwiches)
2 slices of boneless lamb (my cuts were from the leg)
4 thick slices of good bread
100g peas (about a cup)
1/4 cup fresh mint
about ten cherry tomatoes
1 Tbs cumin seeds
1 Tbs crushed black peppercorns
1 crushed garlic clove
1 Tbs balsamic vinegar
salt, pepper
Cook the peas in a little water with the mint. While they are cooking, heat a little olive oil in a frying pan and add the pepper and the cumin seeds. When they are hot and starting to pop, add the lamb and quickly cook, about two minutes on each side. Remove them from the pan and add the tomatoes and the vinegar. While the tomatoes are cooking, use an immersion blender to pure the peas and the mint. Depending on how much water you used to cook them, you may want to add a little water to make a thick paste. Toast the bread. Slice the lamb in thin strips. By now the tomatoes will hopefully have split and become soft and the bread will be toasted and you can construct your sandwich. Spread a thick layer of pea pure on two of the slices of bread. Top the pure with lamb. Salt and pepper and then add the tomatoes. Finish with the remaining slices of bread and serve with napkins. The juices of the tomatoes and lamb will soak into the bread but some of it will also probably run down your wrists. It's worth it, though. The sweetness of the peas compliments the spicy lamb and the tart/sweet tomatoes add a finishing touch. I had the second sandwich for lunch today, but the hot version - though messier - was much tastier!
Quote
2 slices of boneless lamb (my cuts were from the leg)
4 thick slices of good bread
100g peas (about a cup)
1/4 cup fresh mint
about ten cherry tomatoes
1 Tbs cumin seeds
1 Tbs crushed black peppercorns
1 crushed garlic clove
1 Tbs balsamic vinegar
salt, pepper
Cook the peas in a little water with the mint. While they are cooking, heat a little olive oil in a frying pan and add the pepper and the cumin seeds. When they are hot and starting to pop, add the lamb and quickly cook, about two minutes on each side. Remove them from the pan and add the tomatoes and the vinegar. While the tomatoes are cooking, use an immersion blender to pure the peas and the mint. Depending on how much water you used to cook them, you may want to add a little water to make a thick paste. Toast the bread. Slice the lamb in thin strips. By now the tomatoes will hopefully have split and become soft and the bread will be toasted and you can construct your sandwich. Spread a thick layer of pea pure on two of the slices of bread. Top the pure with lamb. Salt and pepper and then add the tomatoes. Finish with the remaining slices of bread and serve with napkins. The juices of the tomatoes and lamb will soak into the bread but some of it will also probably run down your wrists. It's worth it, though. The sweetness of the peas compliments the spicy lamb and the tart/sweet tomatoes add a finishing touch. I had the second sandwich for lunch today, but the hot version - though messier - was much tastier!
Quote
Created by:
lickau
7/20/09 @ 7:24am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285
Mary Had A Little Lamb
Mary had a little sheep
With this sheep
She went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb.
Don't Welsh On Me
Why do the Welsh shag sheep on cliff edges?
So the sheep push back harder!
blonde Counting Sheep
Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm. She stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says "If you can count all my sheep I'll let you have any one you want." The blonde looks around her for a moment and says, "You have 356 sheep." The farmer exclaims, "Wow -- you're exactly right. I guess blondes really aren't dumb. Now go pick yourself out a sheep."
The blonde makes her choice, picks it up, comes back to the farmer to thank him. "Oh no," he says, "you can't have that one." "Why not?" asks the blonde, "you said I could have any sheep I wanted." And the farmer says, "Ma'am, that's my dog."
Sheepish
What do you call a West Virginian which a sheep under each arm?
A pimp!
Virgin Wool
Where do you get Virgin Wool?
From an ugly sheep
Frenchman and Farm Animals
What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?
A bisexual!
What do you get when you cross a Scottish...
What do you get when you cross a Scottish sheep with a Peruvian Mountain Goat?
The Dolly Llama.
Sheep Boy
A man that lives on a farm wakes up and goes outside to find a man screwing one of his sheep and a little boy watching. He walks up to the boy and says ''Who's that screwing my sheep?'' The boy replies, ''That's my Daaaaaaaad.''
***********Babar Alert Joke***************
Elephant Tampon
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?
A: A sheep.
Ba Ba Black Sheep
Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.
"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.
"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."
"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"
"Baaaaa..."
Sheep Soup
There was a man with a restaurant near a construction site. The construction workers
usually had their lunches in there, their favourite meal being beef soup.
But one day the chef ran out of meat and in his panicked state he ran out the door in the hope of finding a ride to town. After noticing that there was no vehicles nearby he sadly started walking back to his restaurant. Upon nearing the construction site he saw a sheep tied up on a pole nearby. He was so happy that he untied the sheep and proceeded to his place.
At lunchtime the construction workers walked in and ordered their favorite soup.
During the meal, the guys started exclaiming in delite that the soup tasted extremely good today and asked what was the reason for that. The chef was pleased and proceeded to tell them about his predicament. Everyone stopped eating with a dazed look on their faces.
The chef asked, "What's the matter boys, did I screw up the cooking?"
"No." replied the foreman of the construction team, "you cooked up the screwing."
A few reruns from a new site Quote
Mary had a little sheep
With this sheep
She went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb.
Don't Welsh On Me
Why do the Welsh shag sheep on cliff edges?
So the sheep push back harder!
blonde Counting Sheep
Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm. She stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says "If you can count all my sheep I'll let you have any one you want." The blonde looks around her for a moment and says, "You have 356 sheep." The farmer exclaims, "Wow -- you're exactly right. I guess blondes really aren't dumb. Now go pick yourself out a sheep."
The blonde makes her choice, picks it up, comes back to the farmer to thank him. "Oh no," he says, "you can't have that one." "Why not?" asks the blonde, "you said I could have any sheep I wanted." And the farmer says, "Ma'am, that's my dog."
Sheepish
What do you call a West Virginian which a sheep under each arm?
A pimp!
Virgin Wool
Where do you get Virgin Wool?
From an ugly sheep
Frenchman and Farm Animals
What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?
A bisexual!
What do you get when you cross a Scottish...
What do you get when you cross a Scottish sheep with a Peruvian Mountain Goat?
The Dolly Llama.
Sheep Boy
A man that lives on a farm wakes up and goes outside to find a man screwing one of his sheep and a little boy watching. He walks up to the boy and says ''Who's that screwing my sheep?'' The boy replies, ''That's my Daaaaaaaad.''
***********Babar Alert Joke***************
Elephant Tampon
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?
A: A sheep.
Ba Ba Black Sheep
Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.
"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.
"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."
"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"
"Baaaaa..."
Sheep Soup
There was a man with a restaurant near a construction site. The construction workers
usually had their lunches in there, their favourite meal being beef soup.
But one day the chef ran out of meat and in his panicked state he ran out the door in the hope of finding a ride to town. After noticing that there was no vehicles nearby he sadly started walking back to his restaurant. Upon nearing the construction site he saw a sheep tied up on a pole nearby. He was so happy that he untied the sheep and proceeded to his place.
At lunchtime the construction workers walked in and ordered their favorite soup.
During the meal, the guys started exclaiming in delite that the soup tasted extremely good today and asked what was the reason for that. The chef was pleased and proceeded to tell them about his predicament. Everyone stopped eating with a dazed look on their faces.
The chef asked, "What's the matter boys, did I screw up the cooking?"
"No." replied the foreman of the construction team, "you cooked up the screwing."
A few reruns from a new site Quote
A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left alive?
Answer tomorrow, any guesses?
Um. 9.
Quote
Answer tomorrow, any guesses?
Um. 9.
Quote
Created by:
ozzieboy4u
7/26/09 @ 9:57pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Under Saphira's Bed with the wand
Posts: 3,075
A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left alive?
Answer tomorrow, any guesses?
That would be 9 unless there is some trick to this that i am not seeing right now. lol Quote
Answer tomorrow, any guesses?
That would be 9 unless there is some trick to this that i am not seeing right now. lol Quote
Created by:
g-mann
7/26/09 @ 10:20pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786
Such a simple riddle. Of course 9 
Miss S is correct!!
Um. 9.
Yes Ozzie you got it, but too late. Sorry.
That would be 9 unless there is some trick to this that i am not seeing right now. lol
Quote
Miss S is correct!!
Um. 9.
Yes Ozzie you got it, but too late. Sorry.
That would be 9 unless there is some trick to this that i am not seeing right now. lol
Quote
Created by:
ozzieboy4u
7/26/09 @ 10:36pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Under Saphira's Bed with the wand
Posts: 3,075
Yes Ozzie you got it, but too late. Sorry.
That would be 9 unless there is some trick to this that i am not seeing right now. lol
Thats ok i am happy to have been beaten by my sweet Saphie. Quote
That would be 9 unless there is some trick to this that i am not seeing right now. lol
Thats ok i am happy to have been beaten by my sweet Saphie. Quote
Created by:
ozzieboy4u
7/27/09 @ 2:32am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Under Saphira's Bed with the wand
Posts: 3,075
Thats ok i am happy to have been beaten by my sweet Saphie.
Sappy beating Ozzie again - how sweet
Saphie all ways wins.
Quote
Sappy beating Ozzie again - how sweet
Saphie all ways wins.
Quote
Created by:
lickau
7/27/09 @ 2:33am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285
Created by:
g-mann
7/30/09 @ 4:56am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786
http://www.spencerfieldspirit.com/sheepdip.html
Jim Murray describes Sheep Dip in his 2006 Whisky Bible as Young and sprightly like a new-born lamb, this enjoys a fresh, mouthwatering grassy style with a touch of spice. Maligned by some but to me a clever accomplished vatting of alluring complexity
Much mythology has grown up around whisky but in reality a great whisky does not have to be the product of one distillery nor should its age be a measure of quality.
Richard Paterson, Scotlands renowned and only third generation master blender created the Sheep Dip vatting by marrying together several single malt whiskies. The whiskies are aged between eight and twelve years in quality "first fill wood," each adding unique characteristics to produce an exceptional product.
Sheep Dip despite its iconoclastic name is a genuinely great whisky.
The name came about because British farmers have long referred to whisky as Sheep Dip. There was a time when farmers distilled their own home-made whisky and in order to avoid paying taxes to the revenue man hid the whisky in barrels marked Sheep Dip.
Farmers' merchants continued this tradition by entering cases of whisky as Sheep dip on farmers' bills and so pulling the wool over the farmers wives eyes.
Colour:
Rich, golden copper highlights.
Nose:
Delicate and refined. Soft sensual floral notes arise in perfect harmony supported by an attractive array of complex fruit flavours. Melon, pear and orange with a hint of almonds conclude this profusion of charming nuances.
Taste:
Finesse and elegance gives way to a majestic assertion of pure malty flavours drawn from the four distilling regions of Scotland. Each area forges and makes its own inimitable contribution to this outstanding pure malt - the main accent being expressed from the Highlands and Speyside Valleys. Quote
Jim Murray describes Sheep Dip in his 2006 Whisky Bible as Young and sprightly like a new-born lamb, this enjoys a fresh, mouthwatering grassy style with a touch of spice. Maligned by some but to me a clever accomplished vatting of alluring complexity
Much mythology has grown up around whisky but in reality a great whisky does not have to be the product of one distillery nor should its age be a measure of quality.
Richard Paterson, Scotlands renowned and only third generation master blender created the Sheep Dip vatting by marrying together several single malt whiskies. The whiskies are aged between eight and twelve years in quality "first fill wood," each adding unique characteristics to produce an exceptional product.
Sheep Dip despite its iconoclastic name is a genuinely great whisky.
The name came about because British farmers have long referred to whisky as Sheep Dip. There was a time when farmers distilled their own home-made whisky and in order to avoid paying taxes to the revenue man hid the whisky in barrels marked Sheep Dip.
Farmers' merchants continued this tradition by entering cases of whisky as Sheep dip on farmers' bills and so pulling the wool over the farmers wives eyes.
Colour:
Rich, golden copper highlights.
Nose:
Delicate and refined. Soft sensual floral notes arise in perfect harmony supported by an attractive array of complex fruit flavours. Melon, pear and orange with a hint of almonds conclude this profusion of charming nuances.
Taste:
Finesse and elegance gives way to a majestic assertion of pure malty flavours drawn from the four distilling regions of Scotland. Each area forges and makes its own inimitable contribution to this outstanding pure malt - the main accent being expressed from the Highlands and Speyside Valleys. Quote
Created by:
ozzieboy4u
7/30/09 @ 9:54am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Under Saphira's Bed with the wand
Posts: 3,075
Created by:
g-mann
7/31/09 @ 3:19am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786
Created by:
ozzieboy4u
8/9/09 @ 7:23am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Under Saphira's Bed with the wand
Posts: 3,075
i need some entertaining
Created by:
g-mann
8/18/09 @ 12:19am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Teddy's BBQ Place in Hello Kitty Land on Route 66
Posts: 9,786
Architect A Scotsman finally makes his fortune and is having his dream house bulit. As he talks to the architect on how he wants the house built he says, 'See that tree there, don't cut it down because under that tree I made love for the first time.'
The architect says he understands the sentimental value of the tree and he will design the house so that the tree isn't harmed.
Then the man says, 'And you see that tree over there, I don't want it cut either, because her mother stood there and watched as we made love.'
The architect could hardly believe his ears,'That's incredible, what did her mother say?'
To which the Scotsman replies,'Baaaaaa.''
Falkland's war Why did the Black Watch bring back so many sheep from the Falkland Islands?
War brides.
Scotland Where men are men, and sheep are nervous.
Long grass How do Scotsmen find sheep in long grass?
Quite good actually.
Quote
The architect says he understands the sentimental value of the tree and he will design the house so that the tree isn't harmed.
Then the man says, 'And you see that tree over there, I don't want it cut either, because her mother stood there and watched as we made love.'
The architect could hardly believe his ears,'That's incredible, what did her mother say?'
To which the Scotsman replies,'Baaaaaa.''
Falkland's war Why did the Black Watch bring back so many sheep from the Falkland Islands?
War brides.
Scotland Where men are men, and sheep are nervous.
Long grass How do Scotsmen find sheep in long grass?
Quite good actually.
Quote
