Josh Polk: Laughter is the best Medicine - 7/26/13 - Male Performer Chat

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Laughter is the best Medicine

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Male Performer Chat: Laughter is the best Medicine

Created by: malteeser

11/4/14 @ 11:12am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and order, "Gimme 3 flat tires and a couple of headlights."

Bewildered he goes to the kitchen and tells the cook, "I think this guy's in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!"

The cook says, "He wants 3 pancakes & 2 eggs sunny-side up."

The waiter takes a bowl of beans to the trucker.

He looks at it and growls, "What's this? I didn't order this!"

The young man tells him, "The cook says that while you're waiting for your parts you might as well gas up!"

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Created by: drug

11/5/14 @ 1:59am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Posts: 1

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english so different, it is from russian Comedy Club, you should watch it guys!

Demonte, you russians hilarious!
i pee my pants ROFL
guys watch it, you won't regret!
after few seconds of russian bla bla there is fun!
ok, can i call you Jimmy now? ch1ldrish englin...hahahahah

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Created by: louisphillippe

11/5/14 @ 2:29am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234

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Demonte, you russians hilarious!
i pee my pants ROFL
guys watch it, you won't regret!
after few seconds of russian bla bla there is fun!
ok, can i call you Jimmy now? ch1ldrish englin...hahahahah

:orglaugh

Hysterically funny!!!
What a wonderful show!!! :thumbsup

Thanks!!

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Created by: malteeser

11/7/14 @ 10:00am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Timmy had a problem - using language not very apt for a seven year old - and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask for advice from a friend on what to do. The friend said, "Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Timmy what he wants Santa to bring him. If he speaks badly while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of the gifts he requests."

Two days before Christmas, Timmy's father asked him what he wanted for Christmas. "I want a damn teddy-bear laying right beside me when I wake-up. When I go downstairs I want to see a damn train going around the fucking tree. And when I go outside I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage."

Christmas morning, Little Timmy woke up and rolled over into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw another pile under the tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog poop by the garage.
When Timmy walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "What did Santa bring you this year?"
Timmy replied,"I think I got a dog but I can't find the son-of-a-bitch!"

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Created by: malteeser

11/8/14 @ 6:20am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets the word that he is to return home.

He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The missionary is pleased with the response.

They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock." The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes.

As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and k i l l s them.

The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just k i l l these people in cold b l o o d that way?

The chief replied, "My bike."

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Created by: malteeser

11/13/14 @ 7:00am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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John hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night.

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, John, what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John," Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised myself! You know, he's only been there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".

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Created by: louisphillippe

11/13/14 @ 5:38pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234

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She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised myself! You know, he's only been there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".

:orglaugh

AAAAhhhhhhh....aha ha haaaaaa!!!! :orglaugh

Malteeser for President!!! :winkwink

You really make my day with your humor !!!!!!! :angel

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Created by: ourjeffie

11/13/14 @ 8:17pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Brisbane Australia, home of the 2032 Olympic Games
Posts: 45,000

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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.The doctor gave the man a jar and said, �Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.�

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, �Well, doc, it's like this, first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. She even called up Aveen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.�

The doctor was shocked! �You asked your neighbour?�

The old man replied, �Yep, none of us could get the jar open.�

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Created by: Sencer

11/14/14 @ 12:16pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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Malteeser !!!!!! you skip the classes again?! had nothing to read while i have enjoyed my coffee today.! :evil

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Created by: malteeser

11/14/14 @ 1:15pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Here I am, Sencer.

A man finally goes with his wife to church, after promising her for weeks that he'd go. Surprisingly, the man was so impressed with the preacher's sermon he stopped on the way out to shake his hand.

"Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a DAMN fine sermon."

The preacher says, "Why thank you sir, but we don't used profanity in the house of the Lord."

The man says, "But preacher, seriously, I'm not a religious man, but that was the best DAMNED sermon I ever heard."

The preacher says again, "Sir, while I appreciate what you're trying to say, I must be blunt: DO NOT use curse words in the Lord's house again."

The man says, "Well, anyway, I was so impressed with your sermon that I placed $5000 dollars in the collection plate".

"No Shit?" says the preacher.

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Created by: louisphillippe

11/14/14 @ 5:12pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234

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Thanks to Malteeser Sencer and I can have our
morning coffee and start the day with a biiiiiiig smile!!! :thumbsup

Thank you!!! :winkwink

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Created by: malteeser

11/17/14 @ 5:33am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses.

"Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"

"Fishin', sir."

"Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"

The old man stood, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka and a fine cigar.

His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today?"

The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"

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Created by: malteeser

11/18/14 @ 1:08pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" asks the boy. "Yes," said the father, "you see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mom, how many kinds of willies are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but still reliable. After his fifties, it is like an old Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

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Created by: stinks

11/18/14 @ 1:42pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: member since february 2010
Posts: 1,039

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Created by: paperpunch09

11/24/14 @ 11:43am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: USA
Posts: 3,146

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The Pastor's Ass:

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and It won !! The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
That he entered it in the next race, And it won that race too.

The local paper read: "PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT."

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of Publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another races.

The next day the local paper headline read: �BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS�.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he Ordered the Pastor to get Rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a Nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted The following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN!!

The Bishop fainted �.

He informed the Nun that she would have to Get rid of the donkey as soon as possible.

So she sold it to a local farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

�NUN"
SELLS ASS FOR $10�.

This was too much for the Bishop so he Ordered the Nun to buy back the
Donkey, and take it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.

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Created by: louisphillippe

11/24/14 @ 10:13pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234

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3.853 viewers....BRAVI!!!! :orglaugh

A lot more than any other thread lately... :winkwink

Everybody is looking for a laugh or even a smile.. :angel

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Created by: Sencer

11/26/14 @ 7:48am (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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Thanks to Malteeser Sencer and I can have our
morning coffee and start the day with a biiiiiiig smile!!! :thumbsup

Thank you!!! :winkwink

no reasons to thanks me louis! maltaseer got all credits here :d and i`m one of these that take advantage of hes work as well..actually right now im drinkin my coffee and read the thread :d

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Created by: malteeser

11/26/14 @ 11:19am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband gave his wife a gift - a tombstone, with the inscription: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever."
Later, the furious wife bought a return present - also a tombstone, on which the inscription read: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last."

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Created by: malteeser

11/27/14 @ 11:00am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A family is driving in their car on a holiday. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car. He gets out an takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road. Frog is grateful, thanks the man, and tells him that he will grant him a wish.

Man says: please make my dog win the next dog race.

Frog asks to look at the dog which jumps out of the car. The frog notices that the dog has only got three legs and tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfill his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish. The man says: "Well, then please help that my wife will win the next beauty contest in the area. Frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.

Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog. The frog turns to the man and says: "Could I please have another look at the dog???"

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Created by: malteeser

11/28/14 @ 10:30am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, each of the three lawyers buys a ticket while the three engineers buy only one ticket.

"How can the three of you travel on one ticket?" asks a lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

Aboard the train the lawyers take their respective seats while all three engineers cram into the restroom and squeeze the door closed behind them.

When the conductor comes around collecting tickets, he knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The lawyers are impressed with this clever idea. One the way home from the conference, they decide to copy the engineers' technique. At the station, they buy a single ticket for their return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all!

"How in the hell are you going to pull this off?" asks a lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They board the train. The three lawyers cram into one restroom and the three engineers cram into the other restroom.

Shortly after the train departs, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and knocks on the other restroom door. "Ticket, please!"

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