Josh Polk: Laughter is the best Medicine - 7/26/13 - Male Performer Chat

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Laughter is the best Medicine

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Male Performer Chat: Laughter is the best Medicine

Created by: malteeser

4/1/15 @ 1:38pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Thank you guys.

A couple drives to the hospital because the wife is in labour. The doctor alerts them that she invented a machine that will transfer some of the labour pain to the father, if they'd like. The husband eagerly says, "Give it all to me!" The couple returns home with a bouncing baby boy, only to find the mailman dead on their lawn.

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Created by: malteeser

4/2/15 @ 5:34am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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What is the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he turns 12.

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Created by: Alan Mike

4/3/15 @ 4:40pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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Put ur joke here and smile:

Weight Loss

A guy badly needs to lose weight.
He reads a weight loss advert on newspaper.
He goes to the place.
The secretary explains:
�There are 3 options � Option 1 for $50, 2 for $100 and 3 for $150.�
He chooses Option 1.
�Go to the elevator and press number 1.�
On Level 1, he finds a pretty girl.
�Now you run after me. If you catch me you will fuck me�.
And he ran after girl, caught her and fucked her.
And he lost weight!

:D :D
Second week.
He chooses Option 2.
�Press 2 on the elevator.�
On Level 2, he finds another girl, prettier and younger.
�You run after me. If you catch me, I will let you fuck me.�
And he ran after the girl, caught and fucked the girl.
And he loses more weight.
Third week.
This time he goes to the top choice number 3.
�Elevator. Press Button number 3.�
He goes to level 3 to find a big guy, all muscles.
�Now you run coz if I catch you, I will fuck you!�

That's fucking funny and wisdome as well.No matters after you run,just run

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Created by: malteeser

4/4/15 @ 8:16am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Marty, a little boy, was in church one Easter Sunday with his mother Doris, when he started feeling sick.

'Mummy,' he inquired, 'can we leave now?'
'No,' his mother replied, 'the service isn't over yet.'

'Well, I think I'm about to throw up.' Marty announced.
'Then go out of the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.' said Doris.

After about sixty seconds, Marty returned to his pew, alongside his mother.

'Did you throw up?' Marty's Mum asked quietly.
'Yes,' Marty answered, embarrassed.

'How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?' Doris demanded.

'I didn't have to go out of the church, Mummy. They have a box next to the front door that says, "For the Sick".

HAPPY EASTER TO ALL.

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Created by: malteeser

4/6/15 @ 1:10pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face.

"Sir," she said, "the ladies room is unoccupied. You may use it only if you promise not to touch the buttons on the wall."

He was about to explode, and would have promised anything, so he agreed to her terms. The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there, savouring the feeling, he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Three white buttons were identified with the letters: WW, WA and PP, and there was one red button labeled ATR.

Who would really know if he touched them? He could not just sit there and resist a challenge like this, so he pushed thw WW button. Warm Water was sprayed gently on his bottom. Such a nice feeling came over him, the men's washroom didn't have nice things like this. Anticipating even greater pleasure, he pressed the WA button.

Warm Air replaced the warm water, wafted and swirled about, gently drying his underside.He knew what he was going to do when the warm air stopped, and without hesitation, he pressed the PP button. A large Powder Puff caressed his bottom, adding a fragrant smell of spring flowers to his unbelievable pleasure.

The ladies room was far more than a restroom, it was a place of tender loving pleasure! He could hardly wait for the powder puff to quit. When it did he pressed what he knew was going to be the ultimate joy!

He knew he was in the hospital room as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face. "What happened? How did I get here? The last thing I remember, I was in the ladies restroom!"

"You pushed too many buttons," replied the nurse, as her smirk expanded to a grin. "That last button marked ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover.

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Created by: malteeser

4/7/15 @ 12:18pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, bald man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the bald man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

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Created by: malteeser

4/8/15 @ 11:42am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "Heck. My wife is better than that." The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "You know? Your wife IS better."

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Created by: malteeser

4/9/15 @ 3:06pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Two Irishmen friends are drinking together at one of their homes. One friend takes out a bottle of Irish whiskey and asks the other, "Will you pour this bottle out on my grave if I die first?" His friend replies, "Do you mind if I pass it through my kidneys first?"

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Created by: ourjeffie

4/9/15 @ 10:52pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Brisbane Australia, home of the 2032 Olympic Games
Posts: 45,486

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Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma.

After nearly six months, she woke up and saw that she was no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asked the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replied, �You had twins, a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. However, they were poorly at birth and had to be christened immediately, so your brother Paddy came in and named them.�

The woman thought to herself, �Oh suffering Lordy, no, not me brother. He�s a clueless idiot.�

Expecting the worst, she asked the doctor, �Well, what�s my daughter's name?� �Denise,� said the doctor.

The new mother was somewhat relieved and thought to herself, �Wow, that's a really beautiful name. I guess I was wrong about my brother, I really like Denise.�

Then she asked, �What's the boy's name?�

The doctor replied, �Denephew.�

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Created by: ourjeffie

4/9/15 @ 10:57pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Brisbane Australia, home of the 2032 Olympic Games
Posts: 45,486

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An elderly Scottish man lay dying in his bed.

While suffering agonies on his way to his final moment, he suddenly smells the aroma of his favorite scones wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom. Gripping the wall, he eventually made it to the kitchen.

There, piled on a tray, were his favorite scones. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Scottish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled heap. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon.

�Bugger off,� she said, �they're for the funeral.�

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Created by: malteeser

4/10/15 @ 2:45pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The k i d replies, "I had sex with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sex with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, "No thanks Dad, my butt still hurts."

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Created by: Tommy Fit

4/11/15 @ 2:20am (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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Watchman Petrovich - the deserved watchman of Russia! At it it is a lot of awards! Also there is a huge garden...
In the middle of a garden there is its small house... And here at night he sleeps... Also hears - Aha! Have started to steal an apple-tree...
It left at night... Silence!... Only crickets clink - tcik tcik tcik.....
He has heard! That tree on which steal... Has crept - has thrust a hand in an edge, there has seized the thief by balls!!
- Whats ur name?
- Silent
It has more strong squeezed
- I asked ur name, guy!
- Silent
It has squeezed from all force!! Has already begun to flow!!!
-WHATS UR NAME??!
- MIIIISSHHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
-And why earlier u was silent? Misha?
-Fuuuuuuuucccccckkkkkkk i was the deaf-mute!!!! aaaaaaaaaa

;))))))

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Created by: malteeser

4/13/15 @ 10:55am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Adam was lonely, so he asked God for company. God agreed, but said, "Don't let her in the water." Adam agreed and Eve appeared the next day. Adam was so excited, he went in the lake to get cleaned up. Eve wanted to go in, but knew she wasn't allowed. A few months go by and she gets tired of not being able to go in the water. As she runs to the water, she tears off her fig leaf and splash! God says, "Oh great! Now the fish will smell like that!"

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Created by: ourjeffie

5/8/15 @ 6:22am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Brisbane Australia, home of the 2032 Olympic Games
Posts: 45,486

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Eighty-year-old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched f!st in the air and announces, �Anyone who can guess what�s in my hand can have sex with me tonight!�

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, �An elephant?�

Bessie thinks a minute and says, �Close enough.�

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Created by: ourjeffie

5/8/15 @ 6:24am (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Brisbane Australia, home of the 2032 Olympic Games
Posts: 45,486

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An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, �You used to hold my hand when we were courting.� Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said, �Then you used to kiss me.�

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled back down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, �Then you used to bite my neck.�

Angrily, he threw back the doona and got out of bed.

�Where are you going?� she asked.

�To get my teeth!�

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Created by: Demonte

5/11/15 @ 12:45pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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What is the difference between GUTS and BALLS?

GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the "Guts" to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the "Balls" to say: 'You're next, Chubby.

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Created by: malteeser

5/20/15 @ 12:08pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A man is in court on trial. The judge says, "On the 3rd August, you were accused of k i l l i n g your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?" "Guilty", said the man in the dock. Another man at the back of the courtroom stands up and shouts, "You dirty rat!" The judge asks the man to sit down and to refrain from making any noise. The judge then continues, "...and also on the 17th September you are accused of k i l l i n g your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead?" "Guilty," says the man in the dock. Again the same man at the back stands up and shouts even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat!" At this point the Judge calls the loud man to the bench and says, "I have already asked you to be quiet. If you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship do you have with this man?" He replies, "He is my next door neighbour." The judge replies, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments." The man replied "No, your honour, you don't understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one!"

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Created by: malteeser

5/21/15 @ 2:31pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A gentleman is preparing to board a plane, when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight. �This is exciting,� thinks the gentleman. �Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.� Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him. Shortly after take-off, the Pope begins a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, �Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in �unt?�� Only one word leaps to mind. �My goodness,� thinks the gentleman, �I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word.� The gentleman thinks for quite a while, and then it hits him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman says, �I think the word you're looking for is �aunt.�� Of course,� says the Pope. �Do you have an eraser?�

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Created by: malteeser

5/22/15 @ 2:46pm (EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

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Created by: Demonte

5/23/15 @ 1:32am (EST) |UTC - 5:00

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A husband went to the sheriff�s department to report
that his wife was missing.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I�m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don�t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don�t remember exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: Brand new 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and �Bubba� floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door.
(At this point the husband started choking up).
Sergeant: Don�t worry buddy. We�ll find your truck.

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