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Male Performer Chat: Laughter is the best Medicine
Created by:
malteeser
9/16/13 @ 8:10am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race begin?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had k i d s, and so all mankind was made."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question, "How did the human race begin?"
The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his." Quote
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had k i d s, and so all mankind was made."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question, "How did the human race begin?"
The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his." Quote
Created by:
jasonknightga
9/16/13 @ 2:43pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: georgia, USA
Posts: 8
Two little old ladies were attending a rather long church service. One leaned over and whispered, "My butt is going to sleep". "I know", replied her friend, "I heard it snore three times".
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Two little old ladies were attending a rather long church service. One leaned over and whispered, "My butt is going to sleep". "I know", replied her friend, "I heard it snore three times".
hahaha Quote
hahaha Quote
Created by:
jasonknightga
9/16/13 @ 3:00pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: georgia, USA
Posts: 8
How I Learned To Mind My Own Business!!!!!! I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, And all the patients were shouting, "13.....13.....13". The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a gap in the wood of the fence, So I looked through to see what was going on...... Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick.... Then they all started shouting, "14.....14.....14.
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Created by:
malteeser
9/17/13 @ 2:40pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third c h i l d?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!"
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Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third c h i l d?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!"
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Created by:
malteeser
9/20/13 @ 6:16am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. So he decides to try it out at dinner.
DAD: Son, where were you today during school?
SON: At school
Robot slaps son
SON: Ok, I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story
Robot slaps son again
SON: Ok, it was A Day with a Porn Star.
DAD: WHAT?! When I was your age, I didn't even know what porn was.
Robot slaps dad
MOM: HAHA!! After all he is your son
Robot slaps mom Quote
DAD: Son, where were you today during school?
SON: At school
Robot slaps son
SON: Ok, I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story
Robot slaps son again
SON: Ok, it was A Day with a Porn Star.
DAD: WHAT?! When I was your age, I didn't even know what porn was.
Robot slaps dad
MOM: HAHA!! After all he is your son
Robot slaps mom Quote
Created by:
malteeser
9/23/13 @ 6:32am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
today i got beaten by a woman...
i was in the elevator when that busty thing got in. i was staring at her tits, when she said, would you please press 1? i did.
i don't know why i got beaten afterwards. Quote
i was in the elevator when that busty thing got in. i was staring at her tits, when she said, would you please press 1? i did.
i don't know why i got beaten afterwards. Quote
Created by:
malteeser
9/23/13 @ 6:58am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright - but after a few months he gets lonely...
The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating.
One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."
The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"
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The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating.
One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."
The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"
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A gay homosexual walks into a bar and sees a monkey sitting on the bar table. , "What's the monkey for?" asks the gay guy.
"watch this," says the bartender.
He whacks the monkey on the head, and then the monkey goes crazy running around the bar table. the monkey then runs up to the bartender whips down his pants and starts sucking his dick. The gay guy is amazed.
"Wanna try?" asks the bartender,
The gay guy responds, "sure, but dont hit me so hard!"
haha that was great. I love reading jokes while on cam. Keeps you in a good mood, and keeping things lighhearted. Quote
"watch this," says the bartender.
He whacks the monkey on the head, and then the monkey goes crazy running around the bar table. the monkey then runs up to the bartender whips down his pants and starts sucking his dick. The gay guy is amazed.
"Wanna try?" asks the bartender,
The gay guy responds, "sure, but dont hit me so hard!"
haha that was great. I love reading jokes while on cam. Keeps you in a good mood, and keeping things lighhearted. Quote
Created by:
malteeser
9/24/13 @ 2:24am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
One in Spanish for my Colombian friends :
Sale un borracho de un bar, arrastrndose por el suelo. Va por la calle y sigue arrastrndose.
Cuando llega a casa se arrastra por el pasillo. Entra en su habitacin y se arrastra hasta su cama. Se acuesta como puede y se duerme enseguida.
A la maana siguiente su mujer le dice:
- "Vaya borrachera la de ayer!".
- "Yo, no...".
- "No lo niegues. Acaban de llamar del bar diciendo que te olvidaste la silla de ruedas."
I love you guys.
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Sale un borracho de un bar, arrastrndose por el suelo. Va por la calle y sigue arrastrndose.
Cuando llega a casa se arrastra por el pasillo. Entra en su habitacin y se arrastra hasta su cama. Se acuesta como puede y se duerme enseguida.
A la maana siguiente su mujer le dice:
- "Vaya borrachera la de ayer!".
- "Yo, no...".
- "No lo niegues. Acaban de llamar del bar diciendo que te olvidaste la silla de ruedas."
I love you guys.
Quote
One in Spanish for my Colombian friends :
Sale un borracho de un bar, arrastrndose por el suelo. Va por la calle y sigue arrastrndose.
Cuando llega a casa se arrastra por el pasillo. Entra en su habitacin y se arrastra hasta su cama. Se acuesta como puede y se duerme enseguida.
A la maana siguiente su mujer le dice:
- "Vaya borrachera la de ayer!".
- "Yo, no...".
- "No lo niegues. Acaban de llamar del bar diciendo que te olvidaste la silla de ruedas."
I love you guys.
Maltee good one, good luck in the surgery :D
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Sale un borracho de un bar, arrastrndose por el suelo. Va por la calle y sigue arrastrndose.
Cuando llega a casa se arrastra por el pasillo. Entra en su habitacin y se arrastra hasta su cama. Se acuesta como puede y se duerme enseguida.
A la maana siguiente su mujer le dice:
- "Vaya borrachera la de ayer!".
- "Yo, no...".
- "No lo niegues. Acaban de llamar del bar diciendo que te olvidaste la silla de ruedas."
I love you guys.
Maltee good one, good luck in the surgery :D
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Put ur joke here and smile:
Weight Loss
A guy badly needs to lose weight.
He reads a weight loss advert on newspaper.
He goes to the place.
The secretary explains:
There are 3 options Option 1 for $50, 2 for $100 and 3 for $150.
He chooses Option 1.
Go to the elevator and press number 1.
On Level 1, he finds a pretty girl.
Now you run after me. If you catch me you will fuck me.
And he ran after girl, caught her and fucked her.
And he lost weight!
:D :D
Second week.
He chooses Option 2.
Press 2 on the elevator.
On Level 2, he finds another girl, prettier and younger.
You run after me. If you catch me, I will let you fuck me.
And he ran after the girl, caught and fucked the girl.
And he loses more weight.
Third week.
This time he goes to the top choice number 3.
Elevator. Press Button number 3.
He goes to level 3 to find a big guy, all muscles.
Now you run coz if I catch you, I will fuck you!
Correct and True its a better way to express the problems away... Quote
Weight Loss
A guy badly needs to lose weight.
He reads a weight loss advert on newspaper.
He goes to the place.
The secretary explains:
There are 3 options Option 1 for $50, 2 for $100 and 3 for $150.
He chooses Option 1.
Go to the elevator and press number 1.
On Level 1, he finds a pretty girl.
Now you run after me. If you catch me you will fuck me.
And he ran after girl, caught her and fucked her.
And he lost weight!
:D :D
Second week.
He chooses Option 2.
Press 2 on the elevator.
On Level 2, he finds another girl, prettier and younger.
You run after me. If you catch me, I will let you fuck me.
And he ran after the girl, caught and fucked the girl.
And he loses more weight.
Third week.
This time he goes to the top choice number 3.
Elevator. Press Button number 3.
He goes to level 3 to find a big guy, all muscles.
Now you run coz if I catch you, I will fuck you!
Correct and True its a better way to express the problems away... Quote
Created by:
malteeser
9/26/13 @ 5:44am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A young woman enters a church naked from the waist up. The priest stops her and says:
- "Wait Miss, you can not enter the Church like that."
- "Why not? I have the divine right!"
- "And the left one as well, but still you cannot enter."
Una joven entra en una iglesia desnuda de la cintura para arriba. El cura la detiene y le dice:
- "Un momento senorita, usted no puede entrar asi a la iglesia."
- "Como que no? Yo tengo el derecho divino!"
- "Y el izquierdo tambien, pero asi no puede entrar."
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- "Wait Miss, you can not enter the Church like that."
- "Why not? I have the divine right!"
- "And the left one as well, but still you cannot enter."
Una joven entra en una iglesia desnuda de la cintura para arriba. El cura la detiene y le dice:
- "Un momento senorita, usted no puede entrar asi a la iglesia."
- "Como que no? Yo tengo el derecho divino!"
- "Y el izquierdo tambien, pero asi no puede entrar."
Quote
Created by:
malteeser
9/27/13 @ 8:11am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
There's a guy with a 25-inch penis and is always wanting to get closer to the girls he is having sex with. One day he comes upon a witch and he tells her about his problem. She tells him about a frog who can make his penis smaller. All he had to do is make the frog say no and his penis would shrink 5-inches. So he goes to find the frog and ask the frog to marry him. The frog says no and hes down to 20-inches. He decides he wants to be closer so he ask the frog to marry him again, and again the frog said no and another 5-inches are gone. He decides he wants to be even closer so he ask the frog one more time to marry him. The frog said, "How many times do I have to tell you? No, no, no, no, no."
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Created by:
malteeser
9/28/13 @ 6:22am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
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The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
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Created by:
malteeser
9/30/13 @ 4:26am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.
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Created by:
malteeser
10/1/13 @ 1:17pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".
The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!" Quote
He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".
The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!" Quote
LOL This thread should be renamed the "MALTEESER COMEDY HOUR". Funny stuff Malteeser, keep it up 
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Created by:
malteeser
10/2/13 @ 6:16am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499
Many Thanks Nomad_
One day this girl was talking to her friend and she said to her, "My boyfriend bought me flowers for Valentines day this year so I guess I have to put my legs in the air for him.", and her friend replied, "Why? Don't you have a vase?"
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One day this girl was talking to her friend and she said to her, "My boyfriend bought me flowers for Valentines day this year so I guess I have to put my legs in the air for him.", and her friend replied, "Why? Don't you have a vase?"
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