Forum Topics
Games: (MOVED) Join Me In A Laugh
A Visit to the Psychiatrist
A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, I think I'm
gay."
The psychiatrist asks, "Why do you think your gay?"
"Because my grandfather is gay."
"Well, just because your grandfather is gay, doesn't mean
you're gay."
"But my father is gay, too!"
"Well, just because your grandfather is gay and your father
is gay, doesn't mean you're gay."
"But my brother is gay, too!"
The psychiatrist looks at him and says, "Isn't there anybody
in your family who likes women?"
"Yeah, I think my sister does!" Quote
A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, I think I'm
gay."
The psychiatrist asks, "Why do you think your gay?"
"Because my grandfather is gay."
"Well, just because your grandfather is gay, doesn't mean
you're gay."
"But my father is gay, too!"
"Well, just because your grandfather is gay and your father
is gay, doesn't mean you're gay."
"But my brother is gay, too!"
The psychiatrist looks at him and says, "Isn't there anybody
in your family who likes women?"
"Yeah, I think my sister does!" Quote
Finding The Car
A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. :What the heck are you doing?" he asks the drunk. "I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it." he replies. "So how does feeling the roof help you ?" asks the puzzled manager. "Well," replies the drunk earnestly, "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!". Quote
A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. :What the heck are you doing?" he asks the drunk. "I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it." he replies. "So how does feeling the roof help you ?" asks the puzzled manager. "Well," replies the drunk earnestly, "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!". Quote
Got Every Woman in Town
Two Irishmen are sitting in a small town bar, where Mick bragged to Sean, "You know, I had me every woman in this town, except of course, me mother and me sister." "Well," Sean replied, "between you and me we got 'em all." Quote
Two Irishmen are sitting in a small town bar, where Mick bragged to Sean, "You know, I had me every woman in this town, except of course, me mother and me sister." "Well," Sean replied, "between you and me we got 'em all." Quote
Created by:
suggs
12/7/09 @ 10:38am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Left of centre
Posts: 6,768
I installed a clapper in my bedroom last week so that I can turn my lights on and off by just lying in bed clapping my hands.
I never really thought that one through...
Every time I have a wank my room becomes like a nightclub with strobe lighting. Quote
I never really thought that one through...
Every time I have a wank my room becomes like a nightclub with strobe lighting. Quote
Guess The Name
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Hi stranger, my name is Mike. I'll give you a free beer if you can guess the name of this bar in three tries." The man says, "Thanks...Mike's Place?" "Nope." "Mike's Tavern?" "No," "Mike's Pub?" "No, but here's a free beer anyway. Nobody ever get's it. The joint's name is Sally's Leggs! "That's a good one." the man says and proceeds to get royally ripped. The next morning the man is still drunk and sitting on a curb, when a cop pulls up and ask's him what he is doing there. He responds, "I'm just waiting for Sally's Leggs to open, so I can wet my whistle!" Quote
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Hi stranger, my name is Mike. I'll give you a free beer if you can guess the name of this bar in three tries." The man says, "Thanks...Mike's Place?" "Nope." "Mike's Tavern?" "No," "Mike's Pub?" "No, but here's a free beer anyway. Nobody ever get's it. The joint's name is Sally's Leggs! "That's a good one." the man says and proceeds to get royally ripped. The next morning the man is still drunk and sitting on a curb, when a cop pulls up and ask's him what he is doing there. He responds, "I'm just waiting for Sally's Leggs to open, so I can wet my whistle!" Quote
Created by:
dudley_do_ride
12/9/09 @ 10:07am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: hain't Pochipsie son
Posts: 3,261
Remember as the festive season begins
a doggie isnt just for Christmas
it a good fuckin position all year round
Popular song in Amsterdam:
How muuuuuuuch is that dooooooggie in the wiiiiiiiiiiindow?
Quote
a doggie isnt just for Christmas
it a good fuckin position all year round
Popular song in Amsterdam:
How muuuuuuuch is that dooooooggie in the wiiiiiiiiiiindow?
Quote
I'm not Drunk...
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else... After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then, I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get. Quote
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else... After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then, I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get. Quote
Pants and Panties
> Bob was going to be married to Karenso. His Father sat him down for a
> little chat.
>
> He said, Bob, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our
> honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and
> said, 'Here, try these on.''
>
> She did and said, 'These are too big. I can't wear them.' I replied,
> 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever
> since that night, we have never had any problems.
>
> 'Hmmm,' said Bob. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
>
> On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here,
> try these on..'
>
> She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'
>
> Bob said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
> I don't want you to ever forget that.'
>
> Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Bob.She said,
> 'Here, you try on mine.'
>
> Bob did and said,'I can't get into your panties.'
>
> Karen said, 'Exactly. And if you don't changeyour smart-ass attitude,
> you never will.'
Quote
> Bob was going to be married to Karenso. His Father sat him down for a
> little chat.
>
> He said, Bob, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our
> honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and
> said, 'Here, try these on.''
>
> She did and said, 'These are too big. I can't wear them.' I replied,
> 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever
> since that night, we have never had any problems.
>
> 'Hmmm,' said Bob. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
>
> On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here,
> try these on..'
>
> She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'
>
> Bob said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
> I don't want you to ever forget that.'
>
> Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Bob.She said,
> 'Here, you try on mine.'
>
> Bob did and said,'I can't get into your panties.'
>
> Karen said, 'Exactly. And if you don't changeyour smart-ass attitude,
> you never will.'
Quote
Created by:
suggs
12/9/09 @ 12:57pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Left of centre
Posts: 6,768
Remember as the festive season begins
a doggie isnt just for Christmas
it a good fuckin position all year round
Popular song in Amsterdam:
How muuuuuuuch is that dooooooggie in the wiiiiiiiiiiindow?
And as they say in Korea -
"A dog is not just for xmas
With luck there will be some left ovet to make a hearty soup on boxing day"
Quote
y do elephants paint their toenails red?? so they can hide in cherry trees!!!
ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? good hiders aren't they!!
Quote
ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? good hiders aren't they!!
Quote
I Thought You Were My Wife
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her." Quote
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her." Quote
Passionate Police Officers
Two police officers saw an old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the old woman where she lived, all the old lady would say as she stroked the officers arm is, "You're Passionate." They drove awhile longer and asked again, but again the same response as she stroked his arm, "You're Passionate." The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, Look we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live!" She replied, "I keep trying to tell you, you're passin it!" Quote
Two police officers saw an old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the old woman where she lived, all the old lady would say as she stroked the officers arm is, "You're Passionate." They drove awhile longer and asked again, but again the same response as she stroked his arm, "You're Passionate." The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, Look we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live!" She replied, "I keep trying to tell you, you're passin it!" Quote
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis. Quote
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis. Quote
Created by:
lickau
12/12/09 @ 10:02am
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: Moving slowly but surely somewhere sometime
Posts: 29,285
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.
Quote
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.
Quote
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!' Quote
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!' Quote
Created by:
skullfuck
12/13/09 @ 4:15pm
(EST) |UTC - 5:00
Location: in your heart and soul
Posts: 201
why is it when a man talks dirty to a woman it sexual harassment
but when a woman talks dirty to a man it 1.50$ per min
7 dwarves went to meet the pope
go on dopey ask him chanted the other 6
sir are there nuns in alaska
yes there are said the pope
go on ask him urged the other 6
sir are there black nuns in alaska
yes there are replied the pope
go on ask him dopey blushed
sir are there midget nuns in alaska
no i dont think so said the pope
all 6 leapt up shouting
dopey shagged a penguin dopey shagged a penguin dopey shagged a penguin
just bought a new game for the PS3
it about a black guy who drives around fucking whores,
uses violence with metal bars, crashing , evading police
it call Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2010
did you hear about the 2 lesbians that built a house
not one nail was used
it was all tougne in grouve Quote
but when a woman talks dirty to a man it 1.50$ per min
7 dwarves went to meet the pope
go on dopey ask him chanted the other 6
sir are there nuns in alaska
yes there are said the pope
go on ask him urged the other 6
sir are there black nuns in alaska
yes there are replied the pope
go on ask him dopey blushed
sir are there midget nuns in alaska
no i dont think so said the pope
all 6 leapt up shouting
dopey shagged a penguin dopey shagged a penguin dopey shagged a penguin
just bought a new game for the PS3
it about a black guy who drives around fucking whores,
uses violence with metal bars, crashing , evading police
it call Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2010
did you hear about the 2 lesbians that built a house
not one nail was used
it was all tougne in grouve Quote
There was 3 men on an island and they came across a genie that will grant them one wish each.
He asks the first man what he wants.
The First man says. I wish for a helicopter to get off this god forbidden island.
So the genie grants the wish.
The second man says. I wish for a bridge that goes to the other side, and will then vanish.
So the genie grants the wish.
The third man thinks long and hard about his wish and he starts to get lonely.
He says
God I wish those guys were back here. Quote
He asks the first man what he wants.
The First man says. I wish for a helicopter to get off this god forbidden island.
So the genie grants the wish.
The second man says. I wish for a bridge that goes to the other side, and will then vanish.
So the genie grants the wish.
The third man thinks long and hard about his wish and he starts to get lonely.
He says
God I wish those guys were back here. Quote
Santa is a woman?
I think Santa Claus is a woman.
he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized,
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowl-full of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. Quote
I think Santa Claus is a woman.
he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized,
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowl-full of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. Quote
